lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

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WasoPimeja
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lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby WasoPimeja » Sat Sep 01, 2018 12:56 pm

lape pi jan utala

ma kasi li lon. suno pi tenpo suno sin li seli e ona. kasi kule pi kule ale li pana e kon suwi. pipi li tawa lon kon li awen lon kasi. poka la, waso mute li kalama lon kasi suli.

jan li anpa lon kasi anpa. ilo utala li lon poka ona. jan li lape. ona lukin ala e ma kasi li kute ala e waso e pipi.

weka mute la, ma tomo li lon. kon seli pimeja li lon sewi pi ma tomo. ante la, kalama ala li kama tan ma tomo.

waso mute li kalama lon kasi suli. pipi li awen lon kasi pi kon suwi.

pimeja en mun li kama la, jan li lape kin.



Mi pali e sitelen ni tan ni: mi wile pona e toki pona mi. sina wile ante e ona tawa toki inli anu pona e ona, la o pali!

Written mostly for the sake of practise. If you would like to post a translation (to show how you understand it), or make any corrections, please do!

wp
ala li sin lon anpa suno. jan ala li ken toki e ni: 'o lukin, ni li sin a!' tan ni: ale li kama li tawa weka lon tenpo pini kin.- Eccl. 1.10

janKipo
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Re: lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby janKipo » Sat Sep 01, 2018 2:04 pm

There is a meadow. The morning sun warms it. Flowers of all colors emit pleasant odors. Bugs fly through the air and tay on plants. Nearby, many birds sing in. the forest.

A man is sitting on a fallen tree. Weapons are beside him. The man is asleep. He does not see the forest and does not hear the birds and bugs.

Far away, there is a town. There is hot dark smoke above teh town. Otherwise, no sound comes from the town.

Mnay birds sing in the forest. Bugs stay on the sweet-smelling plants.

When darkness and the moon come, the man still sleeps.


I made this writing because I wanted to improve my toki pona. If you want to translte it to English or correct it, do so.

Done!

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WasoPimeja
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Re: lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby WasoPimeja » Sat Sep 01, 2018 2:41 pm

pona!

I see that only one sentence hasn't come across exactly as intended: jan li anpa lon kasi anpa. I meant to say 'a man is lying in the grass', with anpa for 'lying' and kasi anpa for 'grass'. Is there a better way to put that?
ala li sin lon anpa suno. jan ala li ken toki e ni: 'o lukin, ni li sin a!' tan ni: ale li kama li tawa weka lon tenpo pini kin.- Eccl. 1.10

janKipo
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Re: lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby janKipo » Sat Sep 01, 2018 3:20 pm

No, I was just thinking along a different line (without any justification in the text). I might have used ‘supa’ for “lie” but ‘anpa’ is correct also.

janKuka
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Re: lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby janKuka » Mon Sep 03, 2018 12:50 am

For what it's worth, and for whatever reason, I did read it as "lying on the grass"! :-)

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WasoPimeja
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Re: lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby WasoPimeja » Mon Sep 03, 2018 11:29 am

pona a!

I've seen both anpa and kasi anpa used like I did here elsewhere, but of course I can't remember where now... I hadn't thought of using supa verbally, but that works and makes sense too. It would convey the idea of being prostrate more clearly, as it couldn't be taken as 'sitting', I believe.
ala li sin lon anpa suno. jan ala li ken toki e ni: 'o lukin, ni li sin a!' tan ni: ale li kama li tawa weka lon tenpo pini kin.- Eccl. 1.10

janKipo
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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: lape pi jan utala - A prose poem

Postby janKipo » Mon Sep 03, 2018 5:27 pm

I like ‘supa’ for itself, but it would have kept my mind from wandering the way it did.


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