I read afterwards that to make a haikai you should write: 5,7,5 + 7,7 + 5,7,5 + 7,7....
My third and fourth haiku should go together, because of "ona".
It's a little easier to split the four into two. They are connected with the concept of time and matter, though.
As a matter of fact, it's not crucial whether it "doesn't want to count time" or "counts a no-time". The second one is more abstract but even more interesting as hiding in timelessness.