Thank god I'm Pretty (Emilie Autumn)

[janMato]

Thank god I'm pretty;
The occasional free drink I never asked for;
The occasional admission to a seedy little bar;
Invitation to a stranger's car,
o pana e pona tawa jan sewi tan ni. mi pona lukin.
tempo lili la jan li pana e telo nasa ni tawa mi. mi toki ala e wile mi tawa telo ni.
tempo lili la jan li open e tomo lupa pi tomo jaki pi telo nasa tawa mi.
jan pi sona ala li wile e ni: mi kama awen lon tomo tawa ona.

I'm blessed,
With the ability to render grown men tongue-tied,
Which only means that when it's dark outside,
I have to run and hide,
Can't look behind me,
Thank god I'm pretty.

jan sewi li pana e pona tawa mi
mi ken kama e jan meji sama ni. jan meji li ken toki ala.
tan ni la tempo pimeja la mi wile tawa noka tawa ma pi lukin ala,
mi ken ala lukin e monsi mi.
o pana e pona tawa jan sewi tan ni. mi pona lukin.

Cross posted to zompist forum.

What's worth noticing for the drive by translator? Well, "Can't look behind me" in toki pona also translates back into English as "I can't see my ass" and "invitations to seedy bar" also translates back into English as "invitations to a boozy restroom," I suppose one that has vodka running in the pipes.

[janKipo]

Well, look behind me is probably not "see my ass" (though there are points...) but 'lon monsi mi' or 'tawa monsi mi'.
Last line of first verse should end in 'ona' or maybe 'sama', not 'sina'
And does 'jan pi sona ala' really mean "unknown men" rather than "ignorant men"?

[janPasi]

Well, look behind me is probably not "see my ass" (though there are points...) but 'lon monsi mi' or 'tawa monsi mi'.
Last line of first verse should end in 'ona' or maybe 'sama', not 'sina'
And does 'jan pi sona ala' really mean "unknown men" rather than "ignorant men"?

I'd vote for ignorant over unknown. To me "jan pi sona ala" clearly means an ignorant fool. Perhaps one would need to define what exatctly this man doesn't know (mi), so that he wouldn't be completely ignorant? So could you say "jan pi sona ala e mi"? Also, do you need "awen" at all in that sentence?

[janKipo]

Can't do 'jan pi sona ala e mi' and get what you want: the 'e mi' becomes DO of the preceding verb, is there is one (which there isn't). At best, you could have 'jan pi sona ala mi', which is ambiguous but contains what you want there. Well, rally you want a man she doesn't know, not one that doesn't know her. And that I don't know how to get.
I don't see 'awen' as needed, since going in the car presumably takes some time during which she will not leave. Of course, she should (for the unknown's purposes) stay in the car when it is no longer going, but that is only implied in the song, not stated.

[jan Josan]

Since child is sefetly covered by 'jan lili' I think stranger (one that had just been met) could be 'jan sin', at least within the tp philosophy of subjective experience.

[janKipo]

pona. but maybe 'mije sin'

[jan Josan]

In this case yes-- keep it steamy.