lipu jan pi jan Mose

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
Logomachist
Posts: 34
Joined: Sun May 02, 2010 8:42 pm

lipu jan pi jan Mose

Postby Logomachist » Wed May 16, 2018 5:53 am

It's been my observation that there is a significant overlap between conlangers, conworlders and roleplayers. I thought it would be fun to post our PCs and OCs here in Toki Pona. I'll start with a character of mine.

This is the first Toki Pona text I have written and I've probably made serious mistakes and I'm not sure how clear it is. I welcome constructive criticism, and it would be grand it if you guys could translate it back to English so I can see where I screwed up and how reliably Toki Pona can communicate without situational context.

tenpo li tenpo pi tu insa Ma Wan pi Mewika. jan lili Apika li jan pali. pilin ike li mute insa Ma Wan. pilin ike li insa e Ma Wan lete e Ma Wan seli. jan Mose kalama pali li tawa tan ni: jan ike sewi pi jan Mose li esun wile e meli e jan lili.

jan ike sewi li jan Pali sewi. jan Pali li pana e kiwen mani. jan ike sewi pi jan Mose li jo kiwen mani.

jan Mose li tawa poka kiwen mani tan ona li wile mani. jan Mose li sona ala e ni: kiwen mani li jo wawa sewi. jan Mose li nasa tan ona li sona e lon jan Mose la ona li moli e jan Mose. jan Mose li tawa e Ma Wan seli tan jan Mose li sona wile e lon pi meli e lon pi jan lili.

jan Mose li sona taso ona li lon ala tawa tomo sona. ona wawa. jan pali mute li olin e ona. jan Mose li sona pona tan ala tan. jan Mose li jan kalama pona. jan pali en jan ike sewi li sona sewi pi ona tan ni: jan Mose li toki pona. jan Mose li ken sona kiwen wawa tan jan ike sewi li sona ala e ni: jan Mose li tawa. jan Mose li sona e ni: meli ona li esun. jan ike sewi, taso, li olin ala e meli pi jan Mose. jan Mose li sona e ni: jan ike sewi sin li ike mute.

jan Mose li jo sijelo sama, ijo lawa, poki pi kiwen mani kon. kiwen mani li ken, tan nasin pi jan Mose, li toki kon e ona. kiwen mani li ken pali e ijo mute. kiwen li ken pana e wawa. kiwen li ken pali e ni: sina kepeken kiwen mani la jan li ken lukin ala e sina. kiwen li ken pali e ni: sina li kama utala. kiwen li ken jo e ante sijelo. kiwen li ken pali e ni: sina li toki e kon insa kiwen. ni ale li pona, tan jan Mose li toki li utala ala. taso kiwen mani li jo e sona pi kiwen. kiwen li kute ala e ale pi tenpo.

janKipo
Posts: 2885
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: lipu jan pi jan Mose

Postby janKipo » Wed May 16, 2018 4:37 pm

open la kama pona tawa toki pona. o awen sitelen. o lukin e FAQ lon tpnimi.blogspot.com.

The human site of Moses
The time was a time of internal division of USA"(needs a ‘pi’ and probably a ‘ma’ before 'Ma Wan’. The country is just ‘Mewika’, the continent is ‘Amelika’) "The child, Apika, is a worker.” or, more likely “African children are workers.” (I assume you mean “slaves”, which is more complicated and neverworked out. Go! Probably also “Children of the African continent” in an extended sense, so ‘jan pi tan ma suli Apika’ but that doesn’t cover descendants directly.) “Bad feelings were USAly internally many”? (I suppose ‘pilin ike li mute lon insa pi Ma Wan’ "There were many bad feelings within the USA.”) “Bad feelings swallowed the North and the South” (nice, if this is what you meant). “Working noisy Moses travel because the high enemy (?) of Moses willingly sold women and children”. (or “bought”, ‘esun’ can mean ether. better ‘pana esun’ or ‘kama jo esun’)
“The high enemy is high Pali” (‘sewi also means “god” and “spiritual” and so on; not sure what it means here) “Pali gives gold. The high enemy of Moses has cash.” (no problems)
“Moses travels with money from him (Pali, I suppose) and wants to be rich. Moses does not know that gold has high (spiritual?) power.” (need ‘e’ before ‘wawa’.). “If Moses is crazy because of it and know the place of Moses (needs ‘pi’), he (should be Moses but prob Pali) kills Moses. Moses moves the South from/because of Moses and willingly knows the place of women (no ‘pi’) nd the place of men (ditto).”
“Moses only knows (‘e’) it (what? is ‘taso’ in the right place? prob not) and is nowhere for learning. It (?)/He (Moses) is strong. Many workers love him. Does MOses understand teh reason (‘x ala x’ strictly only for verbs). Moses is a good noisy person. Workers and high enemies are high knowledge of him because Moses speaks well. Moses can understand (e) the strong stones from the high enemy and not know that Moses is moving. Moses knows that his woman is tading/for sale. But (‘taso’ goes at the front) the high enemy does not love Moses’ woman. Moses knows that the new high enemy is very bad.”
“Moses has (e) his own body and (‘e’ again) teh leading thing and (‘e’) a container of airy gold. The gold is possible , from (prob ‘kepeken’) Mooses’ way and says it (?) airily (orally?). Gold can do many things. Stones can give power. Stones can do this: if you use gold, men cannot see you. Stones can do this: you start a war (I think many of these ‘pali’ are actually ‘kama e’). Stones can have changes of body. Stones can do this: you speak air (lon) inside a stone. All this is good because (tan ni:) Moses talks and does not fight. Gold has a knowledge of (no ‘pi’) stones. Stone do not hear everything of the time (no ‘pi’).”

It doesn’t hold together well in this way, which suggests that, at some crucial point I missed something, but I can’t find the point, except that everything gets fuzzy once we get Moses, of unknown origin or purpose in the tale.


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