mi wile pale e ni tan suli (This has been something I've been wanting to do for a while)
telo pona lon (blade) pona
mi lukin sin mi pona lon moli
ale li tawa poka/tan mi
Pure blood on pure blade,
I find my bliss within death;
The world flows through me.
Samurai Haiku Translation
- janAetherStar
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Re: Samurai Haiku Translation
Alrighty, pretty good but here's a few things to remember:
telo pona lon (blade) pona <<<Remember to use 'li'. An idea for blade is either 'palisa' if you want it to be short, or 'palisa utala' for more accuracy. You might want to add 'loje' to 'telo' to classify it as blood.
mi lukin sin mi pona lon moli <<<Separate out your sentences here, and again, don't forget 'li'. In fact, a reconfiguration of this sentence might be useful.
ale li tawa poka/tan mi <<<'insa' could be better than 'poka' or 'tan', and you might want to use 'ale ma' (everything of the earth) if you want to be a bit more Earth-specific, or just 'ma'. I still like 'ale' though )
Here's my try, based on yours:
telo loje pona li lon palisa utala pona.
mi pilin pona lon moli.
ale ma li tawa lon insa mi.
You did a lovely first attempt, even if there were some errors. You'll defs get the hang of it, keep going I'd like to see more haikus from you (Heck, maybe even a toki pona original someday )
telo pona lon (blade) pona <<<Remember to use 'li'. An idea for blade is either 'palisa' if you want it to be short, or 'palisa utala' for more accuracy. You might want to add 'loje' to 'telo' to classify it as blood.
mi lukin sin mi pona lon moli <<<Separate out your sentences here, and again, don't forget 'li'. In fact, a reconfiguration of this sentence might be useful.
ale li tawa poka/tan mi <<<'insa' could be better than 'poka' or 'tan', and you might want to use 'ale ma' (everything of the earth) if you want to be a bit more Earth-specific, or just 'ma'. I still like 'ale' though )
Here's my try, based on yours:
telo loje pona li lon palisa utala pona.
mi pilin pona lon moli.
ale ma li tawa lon insa mi.
You did a lovely first attempt, even if there were some errors. You'll defs get the hang of it, keep going I'd like to see more haikus from you (Heck, maybe even a toki pona original someday )
ale li pona.
sina o sona e ni.
sina o sona e ni.
Re: Samurai Haiku Translation
'palisa kipisi' for blade also works.
have you tried for 5-7-5 syllable structure? it is hard with the need for 'li' and the like.
"for a long time" is 'tenpo suli la' at the beginning or something like 'lon tenpo suli' at the end.
'lukin' or 'kama lukin' needs 'e' before 'pilin pona mi' or whatever
"through" is tricky but 'lon insa' probably works.
pona mute. sina o sitelen e mute.
have you tried for 5-7-5 syllable structure? it is hard with the need for 'li' and the like.
"for a long time" is 'tenpo suli la' at the beginning or something like 'lon tenpo suli' at the end.
'lukin' or 'kama lukin' needs 'e' before 'pilin pona mi' or whatever
"through" is tricky but 'lon insa' probably works.
pona mute. sina o sitelen e mute.
Last edited by janKipo on Mon Apr 04, 2016 12:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Samurai Haiku Translation
A bit of thread necromancy. I understand more words and the grammar a bit more to try again.
telo loje pona li lon palisa kipisi pona la
mi kama lukin e pona sewi mi lon moli.
ale ma li tawa lon insa mi.
I have a whole list of haikus that I can work on (and plenty other poems!). Perhaps one day I could try a toki pona original
telo loje pona li lon palisa kipisi pona la
mi kama lukin e pona sewi mi lon moli.
ale ma li tawa lon insa mi.
I have a whole list of haikus that I can work on (and plenty other poems!). Perhaps one day I could try a toki pona original
Re: Samurai Haiku Translation
Back to 5-7-5. If you aren't tied to full sentences (the Japanese certainly isn't) you can get a bit of the point in the offical style"
a telo loje
lon palisa kapisi!
insa pona mi!
Oh, blood on the sword. My good heart!
a telo loje
lon palisa kapisi!
insa pona mi!
Oh, blood on the sword. My good heart!