mi jan Lane

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jan Lane
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Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:10 am

mi jan Lane

Postby jan Lane » Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:42 am

toki! mi jan Lane.
li jan mije li jan Tosi li tenpo ni la lon ma tomo pi insa Tosi.

toki pona li toki sin tawa mi. sin lon.
tan ni: taso tenpo suno luka pini la, mi kama sona e toki pona.
ona li pona mute tawa mi.
tan ni, tenpo suno ni la mi pali e sitelen tawa lon toki pona.
(taso sitelen pi sitelen tawa mi li tawa ala: o weka e ike mi.)
lukin e sitetelen tawa ni la jan sin li ken kama sona e toki pona.
ken la, sina mute kin li wile lukin e sitelen tawa mi?

ona li lon ni:

ken la toki pona mi li ike la sina mute o weka e ike mi.
sina mute o pona e toki mi.
wile pona e toki la sina li ken sitelen toki lon ni anu lon anpa pi sitelen tawa mi.

o musi pona!

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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi jan Lane

Postby janKipo » Sat Aug 17, 2019 8:36 am

kama pona!
A good start, but
tp sentences need overt subjects, so I assume ‘MI jan Tosi.’ (no ‘li’ with ‘mi’)
‘la’ phrases only go at the beginning of sentences, so period after ‘Tosi', the 'tenpo ni la mi ...’ or you can shift the ‘la’ phrase in front to a terminal ‘lon’ phrase: ‘mi lon ma.... Tosi lon tenpo ni'
You also can’t add further predicates if the subject in ‘mi/sina’.
the ’tan ni:’ fits better at the end of the previous sentence I’m not sure its ungrammatical here but it is certainly awkward).
’taso’ go right after what it restricts, so (I think you mean) ’tenpo suno pini luka taso la’
‘tan ni la’ (commas don’t work thus in tp)
‘lon’ is legal for introducing langauges, but ‘kepeken’ is better.
‘jan li lukin la’ (missing subject again)
The question mark after a declarative sentence is legal but usually handled better other ways. Here, I read it as some hesitation on your part, but that is covered by ‘ken la’.
videos later (they take time)

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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi jan Lane

Postby janKipo » Sun Aug 18, 2019 7:57 pm

‘mokun’ =‘moku’
prob ‘supa lili pi monsi weka’ “stool with an absent butt”?
‘moku seli li lon supa moku’. (prep phrase can’t be subject.)
‘mm en mm LI wile moku’
no ‘e’ with prepositions, so ‘mm li tawa tomo lili poka kepeken open’ (prob ‘lupa’ would be more natural or ‘lupa open’)
‘tenpo ni LA’ (commas don’t function in tp (officially or in. this way, except after vocatives).
‘tan ni LA’ (see above) ‘toki e ni tawa jan lili:’ (order of pieces very fixed DO before PP)
‘o tawa tomo lili poka’ (no ‘e’ with prep, lon not needed with ‘tawa’)
‘o lukin mama mije li lon seme’ no subordinate clauses, so have to split into two sentences, maybe ‘o lukin e ni: mama mije li lon seme’ (or more tpish ‘o lukin e lon pi mama mije’)
again, don’t need ‘lon’ with ‘tawa’

‘jo E nasin twa sin’ (I’d probably say 'tawa nasin’ “road trip” but that is style at best)
’tan ni LA’
'tenpo ni kin la’ 'sona ala e ni: pakala li lon seme’ (better ’sona ala e lon pakala’)
’sona ala e ni: ona ken pali e seme’ (or ’sona ala e pali ken ona’)
’tan ni LA’
tenpo lili kama LA’ (this is confusing but some of the tenses are not well exlained. I would say ‘tenpo lili li pini la’ to be safe)
no ‘e’ with prepositions, so 'kepeken ilo’
‘sama lili...’ doesn’t work, but fixing it seems difficult. safest is ‘mama li tawa e tomo tawa sama nI: lili li tawa ilo tawa ni.’
no ‘e’ with ‘kepeken’ (preposition)
‘tawa pona’ “Farewell”
‘lukin E soweli’
‘soweli ala li lon sitelen ni' (strict order)
jo E ilo (odd word for pipe and for smoking, but differeent people see things differeently, so long as it is clear, as it is here.)
‘mama li moku e kon ilo(?) al ona li pilin pona’
‘tan ni LA tenpo mute la mama la moku e kon ilo’. (strict order)
‘tenpo wawa la soweli li kama tan telo (strict order)
‘akesi’? prob ‘monsuta’ “frightened” but don’t need ‘pilin’
no ‘e’ with ‘sama’ (preposition)
maybe ‘wawa pilin’?
prob ‘ike pilin’
‘soweli telo mute li lon monsi ona’ (other says “their butts were many genuine seals” -- strict order)
'monsi pi lili en mama’ (conjoint modifier, so more than one word long)
For reference: sentences are (Condition la) Subject li Hedpred (e Direct Object) (Prepositional Phrase). Prepsositions don’t take ‘e’ before their object (tawa, tan, lon, kepeken, sama, poka, taso -- prob some others I forget until I need them)

This was very good for a start. There are little matters which will fall away once you get into the rhythm of tp.
The sound is pretty good but my hearing isn’t. so ’ni’ sounds like ‘li’ to me in the side comments about highlighted figures. also, it sounds to me like the accent on three-syllable words tends to slide to the second syllable: ‘aKEsi’, ’soWEli’

jan Lane
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:10 am

Re: mi jan Lane

Postby jan Lane » Mon Aug 19, 2019 11:58 am

pona. mi pali e sitelen tawa sin kepeken toki pona sina.

ona li lon ni:

mi wile sona e ni:
sina li lukin e moku kon kepeken ilo palisa seme?

pilin wawa kin li nasin lukin: tawa mi la jan li monsuta la pilin ike. taso monsuta pini la jan li pilin ike ala li pilin wawa.

jan Lane
Posts: 5
Joined: Fri Aug 16, 2019 6:10 am

Re: mi jan Lane

Postby jan Lane » Mon Aug 19, 2019 1:51 pm

toki monsi (post scriptum):
lon pu la monsi kepeken toki Inli li ala "butt" li "back, behind, rear". ala?

Posts: 3037
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi jan Lane

Postby janKipo » Tue Aug 20, 2019 11:07 am

I would have out ‘seme’ right after ‘lukin’, closer to where it modifies. It is not a PPP, so shouldn’t be at the end.
‘moku kon pi kepeken toki pona. (modifier of more than one word).
Not sure what you want here, but “smoking a pipe”(from the picture), “smoking a cigarette’ wuld be ‘moku kon pi kepeken palisa’ or so.
‘la ona li pilin ike’ (sentence must have a subject). Not sure about the point.
tp uses ‘pini’ and ‘’kama’ rather than monsi’ and ’sinpin’ Prob ’toki li pini la’ (or ’sitelen’)
‘’monsi’ pi kepeken toki Inli’ “butt” is colloquial but I think there was something in the picture that suggested sitting, so it seemed appropriate.

prob don’t need ‘kulupu’ for “book”
no ‘e’ ith ‘kepeken’ (preposition) 'mama LI kepeken’
Not sure you need ‘lon’ with tawa’, but in any case ‘poka pi mama meli’ (‘poka’ is a noun, so modifier follows ‘pi’ rule)
'mama meli LI toki’
not sure what ‘lon pi mama mije’ means ‘“location of father’ (prob ‘alasa’ is better “find”)

question mark with a declarative sentence is risky, better to use an interrogative form.
questions in mid sentence are weirdness of European languages (some) ’sona ala e pali ken ona’.
’tawa e ilo tawa’ (’tawa’ is a verb here)

Papa doesn’t eat the pipe, just the smoke ‘moku e kon’

Very nice and great fun.

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