janKipo wrote:'mi kute e toki jan' “I heard someone's story” or so. Don't see how this fits in; just a disclaimer to direct knowledge? But that is assumed in tales.
'mama mama li pilin pona ala pona?'
fixed
janKipo wrote:
'taso jan pali kasi li lon ma ni.' violates the “Gun in in One” rule, since mentioned early on but nothing comes of it.
It is as it in a Perult version. (see source link.) They have done their mission by preventing the wolf from immidiate jan LojeLili consumption.
janKipo wrote:
'monsuta pilin e soweli' I think 'monsuta e' is enough, since fear is a feeling.
sure but "кашу маслом не испортишь" it helps to avoid an ambiguity like "she didn't make a wolf scared"
janKipo wrote:
'tomo wan' maybe 'tomo taso' “isolated house”?
'lon poka pi tomo pi mama mama' maybe pooh-bah, maybe violation of Gun in One. Does a neighboring mill suggest isolation?\\
nope. I mean - 'it is a first house at the village edge by the mill."
janKipo wrote:
better 'kama lon tomo' but usage is loose.
i like it better 'insa tomo'.
janKipo wrote:
'tenpo suno pini tu wan la' I just don't know. I assume you mean “for three days” rather than “three days ago” and one of these is surely what you have and the other is 'tenpo suno tu wan pini' but I am not sure which is which – usage is unsettled, to say the least.
It is a good notion about past time. Actually wolf is still hungry (which is present) so we may say "tenpo suno tu wan la..."
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Actually it is very loose translation of "morale finale" If you can bring some ideas how to make it better it would be great. Here is a quote from the source.
Moral
From this story one learns that children,
Especially young lasses,
Pretty, courteous and well-bred,
Do very wrong to listen to strangers,
And it is not an unheard thing
If the Wolf is thereby provided with his dinner.
I say Wolf, for all wolves
Are not of the same sort;
There is one kind with an amenable disposition
Neither noisy, nor hateful, nor angry,
But tame, obliging and gentle,
Following the young maids
In the streets, even into their homes.
Alas! Who does not know that these gentle wolves
Are of all such creatures the most dangerous!