Re: len lawa loje
Posted: Sat Oct 29, 2016 11:43 am
Quibbles mostly now that the big stuff is under control.
Line six, you're keeping 'ona' alive for Li'l Red, but now you need to anaphorize 'len' so need either a modified 'ona' or 'len ni' since 'ni' alone is mainly for sentences.
7 jan Ali li toki (usual plea about quotes for names of names)
8 (plea again) maybe need 'nimi' before the name ( disputed point)
10 prob 'toki jan', "what the person said"
11 prob wawa ala Pilin' but disputed. quote
12 prob 'Kama sona' "find out whether"
13 unquote
18 the safe way to do this is 'tempo mute la soweli li sike e suno'. Beyond that, a lot of lines have been tried, all of them clear in meaning but often obscure in grammar. This is as good as any and better than some but untidy somehow. I think it is that the ,pini' seem unnecessary. I would have expected him to have many white hairs rather than few, prob 'pi mute
20 'Jan pi Pali kasi' a gardener? Or ranger? Expected 'pi Kipisi kasi' at least.
21 'monsuta' is still a problem word, but I think 'soweli li monsuta e jan' is about right, the alternatives here raise problems of 'monsuta' and 'Pilin'.
22 quotes
23again 'li monsuta ala e soweli'
24 quote
25 unquote
26 'soweli li toki e ni:' quotes. This may work without 'e ni' as another possible way to break up the monotony, but it certainly requires the quotes.
27 see above, including the 'li' so
28 quote
29 unquote
30 'li again, quote 'tenpo pona'?
31 poss second is imperative.
32 prob just 'Kama sona e ni:' rest not a sentence. Prob just 'nasin seme li pona mute' unquote.
38 quotes
39 'kepeken Kalama pi sama toki pi jan LL'
40 quote
41 unquote
42 see earlier
44 quotes needs 'o' or drop comma. 'Tan ni la' née something better for "pull".
46 if 'lili lili' means "very short", it prob needs 'pi'
51 'awen lape' 'Kama pi jan LL'
54 'kepeken kalama pi sama (toki pi) mama mama'
55'jan LL li toki'
56 quote
57 started worrying about 'telo walo ko jelo' "yellow gooey milk" maybe 'ko jelo pi telo walo' "soft cheese" unquote
59 quotes 'tan ni la'
62 prob 'len pi supa lape'
63 quote
64 unquote
68 maybe 'monsuta' alone
The range of ways of dealing with rapid dialog are numerous and we just need to decide what tp will allow. I like this one as a shorthand, at least. Maybe officially 'jan LojeLili la' You have the quotes right at the end; why not earlier?
Line six, you're keeping 'ona' alive for Li'l Red, but now you need to anaphorize 'len' so need either a modified 'ona' or 'len ni' since 'ni' alone is mainly for sentences.
7 jan Ali li toki (usual plea about quotes for names of names)
8 (plea again) maybe need 'nimi' before the name ( disputed point)
10 prob 'toki jan', "what the person said"
11 prob wawa ala Pilin' but disputed. quote
12 prob 'Kama sona' "find out whether"
13 unquote
18 the safe way to do this is 'tempo mute la soweli li sike e suno'. Beyond that, a lot of lines have been tried, all of them clear in meaning but often obscure in grammar. This is as good as any and better than some but untidy somehow. I think it is that the ,pini' seem unnecessary. I would have expected him to have many white hairs rather than few, prob 'pi mute
20 'Jan pi Pali kasi' a gardener? Or ranger? Expected 'pi Kipisi kasi' at least.
21 'monsuta' is still a problem word, but I think 'soweli li monsuta e jan' is about right, the alternatives here raise problems of 'monsuta' and 'Pilin'.
22 quotes
23again 'li monsuta ala e soweli'
24 quote
25 unquote
26 'soweli li toki e ni:' quotes. This may work without 'e ni' as another possible way to break up the monotony, but it certainly requires the quotes.
27 see above, including the 'li' so
28 quote
29 unquote
30 'li again, quote 'tenpo pona'?
31 poss second is imperative.
32 prob just 'Kama sona e ni:' rest not a sentence. Prob just 'nasin seme li pona mute' unquote.
38 quotes
39 'kepeken Kalama pi sama toki pi jan LL'
40 quote
41 unquote
42 see earlier
44 quotes needs 'o' or drop comma. 'Tan ni la' née something better for "pull".
46 if 'lili lili' means "very short", it prob needs 'pi'
51 'awen lape' 'Kama pi jan LL'
54 'kepeken kalama pi sama (toki pi) mama mama'
55'jan LL li toki'
56 quote
57 started worrying about 'telo walo ko jelo' "yellow gooey milk" maybe 'ko jelo pi telo walo' "soft cheese" unquote
59 quotes 'tan ni la'
62 prob 'len pi supa lape'
63 quote
64 unquote
68 maybe 'monsuta' alone
The range of ways of dealing with rapid dialog are numerous and we just need to decide what tp will allow. I like this one as a shorthand, at least. Maybe officially 'jan LojeLili la' You have the quotes right at the end; why not earlier?