I've done almost all corrections you advised.
At least I got what you mean when wrote "quote - unquote". Sorry it took me so long
But here some places which are still unclear for me.
>> 7 jan Ali li toki (usual plea about quotes for names of names)
Not sure what you mean. I put quotes around names.
>>11 prob wawa ala Pilin' but disputed. quote
After a long consideration i decided to go with just "pilin ike."
>>18 the safe way to do this is 'tempo mute la soweli li sike e suno'.
The idea is clear and sound but I don't like the concept of a wolf circling the sun for a long time
>>20 'Jan pi Pali kasi' a gardener? Or ranger? Expected 'pi Kipisi kasi' at least.
I've being thinking about it. And decided - since in different stories they either hunters or lumberjacks. Here they must be an unspecified foresters.
>>21 'monsuta' is still a problem word, but I think 'soweli li monsuta e jan' is about right
I'm not sure but for me it sound like "wolf got them scared?"
so I rearranged 3 sentences there. Hope used "la" properly.
>>30 'li again, quote 'tenpo pona'?
I'd say 'tenpo pona' -'such a nice occasion'
>>31 poss second is imperative.
Not sure just statement you are going one way me the other
>>32 prob just 'Kama sona e ni:' rest not a sentence. Prob just 'nasin seme li pona mute' unquote. "
pona mute" could translate to "very good" and then nasin may become "this way" but my intension was "are tose roads both good."
>>68 maybe 'monsuta' alone
I'm not comfortable wit "ona li monsuta". For me it sounds like "shi is monster"
Still need help with next sentences:
Let's see who will get there faster.
Kids are doing wrong when talk to strangers.
He is dangerous.