That's why I posted it all here. I guess the idea that you simply can't join to sentences except for proximity is still foreign to me.
>tenpo pimeja ni la, mi ken sitelen e toki pi pilin ike ale
jan li sitelen e ni: "tenpo pimeja la, sewi li jo e mute mun.
mun li tawa lili weka tan ni".
>kon pi tenpo pimeja li toki wawa li kalama musi
prob 'lon tenpo mute' "often" not sure thisis what you want "If (or When) I often loved her, she loved me" I expected "Often, when I loved her, she loved me" 'tenpo mute la mi olin e ona la ona li olin e mi' which is as ambiguous as the English and I don't know how to fix it -- in either sense.
The verse says: "She loved me, sometimes I loved her too." I couldn't find an easy way to express the idea of "sometimes" rather than "often". At first I thought it should be "tenpo lili" but it seems wrong so "tenpo mute".
"Often I feel your mouth with mine below (?) and arise greatly" I'm not sure about the placement of 'anpa' or what it does and ther last predicate is obscure (or maybe not).
The verse says: I kissed her greatly under the infinite sky. The word order must be wrong. Is it better like this? "anpa li sewi suli la mi pana e uta mi tawa ona". Big sky is not the same as infinite but it's not far off and the idea is put across.
"I hear/listen to the great night. [no 'en'] I multiplies greatly because my lover is far" not sure what 'mute suli' is doing.
mi kute e tenpo pimeja suli. ona li suli mute tan ni: jan olin li weka.
'sitelen toki pi tawa kon' "In the novel for the air, [the rest needs a 'li' somewhere and probably some rearranging "high water future same" does divide nicely into a noun and a verb]
I meant "verse" or "phrase" but I think there's no canonical way to say it.
Also, sama kama telo sewi e kasi lili means "like dew falling on the grass".
Could it be: "ni li sama telo kama lon kasi (anpa)" ?
"My love cannot wait for her. This is slightly important.
Tonight, the multitude of stars and she are far away"
I wrote: ni li suli lili. Does it "suli ala" mean "not important"? Because it could work too. The English translation expresses this idea in another way.
>My love cannot wait for her
It should be "my love couldn't keep her". It could also be this way: "olin mi li ken ala awen e ona tan weka ala mi
"My sight wants the getting and her" On a bet, "wants the getting of her" which is just 'kama jo ona' but the whole is awkward, maybe 'lukin mi li wile e ni: mi kama jo e ona'
"My thoughts look to have her. She is from my country" but 'lukin' isn't a modal unless there is a thread that uses it for "tries to", which sounds vaguely familiar. OOPS, pu. Never mind.
>lukin mi li wile e ni: kama jo ona.
>pilin mi li wile e ni: kama jo ona. ona li weka tan mi.
I suspect you mean 'tenpo pimeja sama' "The same night" so, similarly, 'kasi sama' "the same plants"? "The same night whitens (I suppose 'welo' is 'walo') the same plants" not sure where tis comes from, since I don't remember any plants.
"Now we are people of the past and among different people."
Exactly. Actually they are trees and they aren't mentioned before in the poem.
>sama tenpo pimeja li kama walo e sama kasi
>tenpo ni la, mi mute li jan pi tenpo pini li jan ante
"I do not want her. This is true. But in the past, I wanted many of her" ('mi wile mute e ona' "I wanted her a lot"?)
In the past, my noise tried to have the feeling wind and her ears" ??
Yes, "I wanted her a lot".
>tenpo pini la, kalama mi li lukin jo e kon tawa pilin e lupa kute ona.
I'm using here "tawa" as a "for" but as I've seen from your message above this sentence has an unintended copulation of two ideas.
"my voice tries to have the wind to touch her ears." Look at this:
>"kalama mi li lukin jo e lupa kute ona kepeken (e?) kon."
tp doesn't do fragments well yet. This is a start, I suppose
"to other people, she was of other people. In the past, the woman of my mouth" Maybe, for safety, 'tawa jan ante la ona li jan pi jan ante. tenpo pin li on li jan meli pi uta mi'
Easier fragment: "Her voice and her white body. Her eyes don't stop"
"she belonged to other person. she belonged to other person. In the past she belonged to my kisses."
Perhaps, simplifying it a little (the whole "kiss" word was hard to understand):
>"ona pi jan ante. tenpo pini li ona pi uta mi"
"she belongs to another person. In the past, she belonged to my mouth/kiss".
oko ona li pini ala = "Her infinite eyes"
There can't (in this situation) be 'en' after predicate 'lili' and then there is no verb for the 'e'. A guess: 'olin li lili li weka e pilin li suli' "Love is small and drives away thought and is important"
weka e pilin = forget/ in this case "forgetting" as a noun. maybe 'pilin weka' or 'pilin ala'?
Messy ordering and need 'pi' before 'sama': 'tan tenpo pimeja mute mi pi sama ni la' "From/Because of (?) my many nights like this, my hand is over her" (prob. mean 'lon' for 'tan' and also with out 'sewi' later")
"My breath does not finally feel because I drive her away" ???
Then let's get rid of "tan".
>tenpo pimeja mute mi pi sama ni la, luka mi li lon sewi ona
The idea in this and a previous verse is "my arms were around her". What about "luka mi li (lon) poka ona"?
Is "tenpo pimeja mute mi pi sama ni" then "many nights like this one"?
'kon' in the second line means 'soul'. kon mi li pilin pini ala tan ni: mi kama weka e ona. = "my soul feels incomplete because of this: I lost her."
Maybe it could be written as "kon mi li lon ala (lon?) tan ni" could it?
"But this is finally screwed up because of her."
[no 'en' between sentences] This is my novel for her (why twice?)
>taso ni li pini pakala mi tan ona. (or pakala pini mi)
>ni li toki musi pini mi sitelen tawa ona.
My conclusion: Besides I need to learn a lot, we need to create more compound nouns. A whole big dictionary for toki pona. Thanks for helping me!