Samurai Haiku Translation

Language learning: How to speak Toki Pona, translation problems, advice, memory aids, tools and methods to learn Toki Pona and other languages faster
Lingva lernado: Kiel paroli Tokiponon, tradukproblemoj, konsiloj, memoraj helpiloj, iloj kaj metodoj por pli rapide lerni Tokiponon kaj aliajn lingvojn
jan sewi kasi
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Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:21 pm

Samurai Haiku Translation

Postby jan sewi kasi » Tue Feb 03, 2015 6:35 pm

mi wile pale e ni tan suli (This has been something I've been wanting to do for a while)

telo pona lon (blade) pona
mi lukin sin mi pona lon moli
ale li tawa poka/tan mi

Pure blood on pure blade,
I find my bliss within death;
The world flows through me.

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janAetherStar
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Re: Samurai Haiku Translation

Postby janAetherStar » Tue Feb 03, 2015 10:28 pm

Alrighty, pretty good but here's a few things to remember:

telo pona lon (blade) pona <<<Remember to use 'li'. An idea for blade is either 'palisa' if you want it to be short, or 'palisa utala' for more accuracy. You might want to add 'loje' to 'telo' to classify it as blood.
mi lukin sin mi pona lon moli <<<Separate out your sentences here, and again, don't forget 'li'. In fact, a reconfiguration of this sentence might be useful.
ale li tawa poka/tan mi <<<'insa' could be better than 'poka' or 'tan', and you might want to use 'ale ma' (everything of the earth) if you want to be a bit more Earth-specific, or just 'ma'. I still like 'ale' though :) )

Here's my try, based on yours:

telo loje pona li lon palisa utala pona.
mi pilin pona lon moli.
ale ma li tawa lon insa mi.

You did a lovely first attempt, even if there were some errors. You'll defs get the hang of it, keep going :) I'd like to see more haikus from you :) (Heck, maybe even a toki pona original someday ;) )
ale li pona. :)
sina o sona e ni.

janKipo
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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: Samurai Haiku Translation

Postby janKipo » Tue Feb 03, 2015 11:25 pm

'palisa kipisi' for blade also works.
have you tried for 5-7-5 syllable structure? it is hard with the need for 'li' and the like.
"for a long time" is 'tenpo suli la' at the beginning or something like 'lon tenpo suli' at the end.
'lukin' or 'kama lukin' needs 'e' before 'pilin pona mi' or whatever
"through" is tricky but 'lon insa' probably works.
pona mute. sina o sitelen e mute.
Last edited by janKipo on Mon Apr 04, 2016 12:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.

jan sewi kasi
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:21 pm

Re: Samurai Haiku Translation

Postby jan sewi kasi » Mon Apr 04, 2016 7:51 am

A bit of thread necromancy. I understand more words and the grammar a bit more to try again.

telo loje pona li lon palisa kipisi pona la
mi kama lukin e pona sewi mi lon moli.
ale ma li tawa lon insa mi.

I have a whole list of haikus that I can work on (and plenty other poems!). Perhaps one day I could try a toki pona original :)

janKipo
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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: Samurai Haiku Translation

Postby janKipo » Mon Apr 04, 2016 12:25 pm

Back to 5-7-5. If you aren't tied to full sentences (the Japanese certainly isn't) you can get a bit of the point in the offical style"
a telo loje
lon palisa kapisi!
insa pona mi!

Oh, blood on the sword. My good heart!


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