Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Language learning: How to speak Toki Pona, translation problems, advice, memory aids, tools and methods to learn Toki Pona and other languages faster
Lingva lernado: Kiel paroli Tokiponon, tradukproblemoj, konsiloj, memoraj helpiloj, iloj kaj metodoj por pli rapide lerni Tokiponon kaj aliajn lingvojn
aikidave
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Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Postby aikidave » Tue Oct 06, 2009 2:06 pm

tenpo pini lili la, kulupu mama mi li tawa ma tomo (Colorado Springs) kepeken tomo tawa kon. meli lili mi li tawa lon telo lete kepeken ilo tu. meli lili li utala poka meli lili ante. utala li nimi 'musi pi ma lili pi ma Mewika'. meli mi li pali lukin pona. meli lili mi li kama jo e ijo pi kiwen jelo. meli mi li kama jo e awen pi nanpa wan. mi mute li tawa e tomo sona pi tomo tawa kon pi ma Mewika. mi mute li tawa e tomo sona pi musi ma Mewika. ma tomo li sewi. mi mute li tawa e kon pona ala. mi mute li moku e telo mute. mi mute li pana e mani kepeken tomo tawa.

All comments / corrections to my text are welcome. I am still trying to learn TP.
Thanks,
Dave

A little while ago, my family flew to Colorado Springs. My daughter is a figure skater (she moves on ice using sharp tools). She competes with other little girls. The competition is called the State Games of America. She skated beautifully. She won a gold medal. She came in first place. We visited the USAF academy. We visited the US Olympic Training Center. The city is at a high elevation. It is difficult to breathe. We must drink lots of water because of elevation. We rented a car.

rdmiller3
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Re: Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Postby rdmiller3 » Tue Oct 06, 2009 3:13 pm

Maybe "telo kiwen" or "telo lete kiwen" for ice.

"li utala poka" seems to say "battles alongside of"... sounds more like hockey. :lol:

"awen" doesn't seem like a good base word for "first place/prize". Maybe it would be better to compare her to all others instead.

Maybe it would be good to start with something shorter and less specifically detailed. Or don't try to include such specific words in each English sentence before translation.

Details which may not really matter to the whole of the story:
  • how you got to Colorado
  • what sport it was
  • the material that the medal was made of
  • side visits to specific tourist sites
  • the rental car
It's just way too many details in the original to fit in the translated version. It loses so much that it's hard to follow.

However, waterski-hockey does sound kind of interesting.

jan-ante
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Re: Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Postby jan-ante » Tue Oct 06, 2009 4:37 pm

tenpo pini lili la, kulupu mama mi li tawa ma tomo (Colorado Springs) kepeken tomo tawa kon

this was the only sentence i understood. the use of "meli mi" alongside with "meli lili mi" was confusing: i thought you took your wife too. "awen tanpa wan" is not really good, i would say "pona nanpa wan" (best). game is rather "utala musi" than just "musi"

meli mi li pali lukin pona

either "pali pona" or "pona lukin". i understood this like your wife made some make up look better

mi mute li tawa e tomo sona pi tomo tawa kon pi ma Mewika

this means: we moved (displaced) the university of airplanes of amerika. you should not use "e" here.

ma tomo li sewi

may be: ma tomo ni li lon nena sewi (suli)
i really dont know how to say "breathe" in TP. may be "moku e kon"

mi mute li pana e mani kepeken tomo tawa

"we spent money using a car". this is true but porbably not the point. mi kepeken e tt kepeken mani

aikidave
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Re: Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Postby aikidave » Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:20 pm

o pona tawa nimi pona sina. mi kama sona e toki pona. tenpo kama la, mi wile sitelen e lipu mute mi lon toki pona. mi lukin e pini pi toki pona. mi wile sitelen ni: ijo lili kama e tenpo suno ni.

Thank you for your helpful comments. In the future, after I become more proficient in TP, I want to write my journal/blog in TP. I am looking for (or trying to push) the limits of TP. I wish to write about the little things that happen each day.
What airline I took is not important, but the way I get to my destination is important (drove, flew, walked). The type of sites I visit and what I felt about them, are important, but not the specific names of the attractions.
I think exploring the limits of TP will help flesh out the language and identify areas and questions for Sonja to decide / rule on.

rdmiller3
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Re: Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Postby rdmiller3 » Wed Oct 07, 2009 9:26 am

tenpo mute la, jan pi kama sona toki li toki e ni: o ante e toki ni.
taso ni li pakala e toki pona.
o ike ala e toki pona.
o pona e pilin sina.
o kama sona e toki pona poka sin ala.

Ŝajnas ke ĉiu komencanto volas kompliki tokiponon anstataŭ simpligi sin mem.

It seems like so many beginners want to complicate Toki Pona instead of to simplify themselves.

jan-ante
Posts: 541
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 4:05 pm

Re: Dave's writing exercise - figure skating

Postby jan-ante » Wed Oct 07, 2009 4:59 pm

aikidave wrote: mi lukin e pini pi toki pona.
= i look to the end of toki pona.

ken la sina wile toki e ni: mi lukin tawa selo kepeken pi toki pona
ken la ni li lon pilin sina: mi wile sona e ijo ken en ijo ken ala tawa toki pona

mi wile sitelen ni: ijo lili kama e tenpo suno ni

i would say like this:
mi wile sitelen e ni: ijo lili seme li kama lon tenpo suno ni
"happen" is intransitive verb of "kama" (see official dictionary), i.e. it should be used without "e"; while "draw, write" is a transiteve verb for "sitelen" (see official dictionary), i.e. you should use "e" with it


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