Thanks for the corrections and suggestions!
janKipo wrote:comma, if at all, after 'la'
I was following pu on this one. jan Sonja puts the comma in a different position than what feels natural. I'm not sure what the rest of the community thinks of this.
not sure what to make of 'li ...'
There are a lot of ungrammatical things in the book that I can't really translate. This was my attempt at replicating a trailing thought. Perhaps it's better to remove it then?
the second 'ona alasa e mi' is redundant
The first one is supposed to say that if they know his name, they will hunt/find him. The second is saying that he doesn't want them to hunt/find him. Do you think it will still be clear what "ni" means of I remove the clause?
point of 'kama' in 'kama lukin'?
I wanted to stress it as "find" rather than "see," but I suppose it might be better without "kama."
pi Lon tomo sona
I was trying to say "Tan is now the leader of the sports team (kulupu pi musi sike) at/in
his school." Does this not work? Maybe " pi tomo sona sina" would be better, but I don't quite understand your correction on this one.
Also, I was having difficulty in distinguishing the difference between a game and a device that plays games.
Aside from all of this, is it readable? Does it make sense?