Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Translation: Toki Pona content in other languages
Tradukado: Tokipono en aliaj lingvoj
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jan Wesi
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Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Postby jan Wesi » Sun Feb 08, 2015 6:23 pm

Now that the forums are back up, I have a perfect spot for me to place my ongoing work in translating a fairly short book from a kid's series that is very dear to my heart. The translation is quite loose and I have difficulty in making everything comprehensible at all times. This is really just something that I do when I'm bored, so it may never be finished. But if anyone has some comments, please let me know!

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At this time I have a portion of chapter 1 "translated." As for numbers, I'm just going to leave them as they are. They are an important part of the names of some of the characters and I don't want to get rid of them. I've translated "Animorphs" as "jan pi kama ante" (people that become different) because how they can change into different beings. There really isn't a catch all term for "living thing" in toki pona, so I think this will suffice.

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jan pi kama ante - utala (Animporhs - The Invasion)

lipu kulupu 1 (Chapter 1)

nimi mi li jan Se. mi ken ala toki e nimi ali mi tawa sina. mi toki e ni, la ike kama. jan ike li lon ali. jan ike li sona nimi ali mi, la ona li alasa e mi e jan pona mi li.... mi wile ala e ni: ona alasa e mi. jan ike li pali e ike mute tawa jan. mi wile ala toki e ni.

mi toki ala e lon mi tawa sina. sina wile sona e ni: ona li lon.

ken la ona li lon sina.

mi sitelen e ali tan ni: jan mute li ken sona e ali. ken la jan li ken awen tawa kama pi jan pona ante.

tenpo pini, la ali li pona. ali li pona tawa ni: tenpo wan, la mi tawa esun. mi lon poka jan pona mute mi Nako. mi mute li musi e ijo musi lon esun. esun ni li jo e lipu musi e ijo ante. ni li pona.

jan Nako en mi li kepeken e mani ali tawa ijo musi. jan Nako li jo e n anpa mute. mi jo e nanpa lili. mi mute li ken musi pona e ijo musi. mi ken musi mute tan ni: mi jo e ijo musi Seka lon tomo mi. taso jan Nako li musi pona tan ni: ona li ken kama lukin e ijo ali insa ijo musi. ona li anpa e mi tan ni.

ken la mi kepeken ike e lawa mi. mi pilin ike tan tomo sona. mi wile jan pi kulupu pi musi sike. taso mi ken ala musi pona e musi sike.

ali li pona. taso tenpo pini la jan sama suli mi Tan li jan pona mute pi kulupu pi musi sike lon tomo sona mi. tenpo ni la jan Tan li jan lawa pi kulupu pi musi sike lon tomo sona sina. jan ali li pilin e ni: mi musi pona e musi sike tan ni. taso mi musi pona ala.
jan ali li palisa pi kasi sama :D

janKipo
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Re: Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Postby janKipo » Mon Feb 09, 2015 2:33 pm

comma, if at all, after 'la'
ike li kama
sona e nimi
not sure what to make of 'li ...'
the second 'ona alasa e mi' is redundant
toki ala e ijo pi Lon mi
probably 'sitelen ... tawa ni' "so that" rather than "because"
'tawa ni' "until"? note quite but I'm unsure what to use here.
not sure you need 'lon' with 'poka',"at his side" rather than just "with". if you do use 'Lon' you need 'pi' before 'jan'
probably 'jan pi pona mute'
point of 'kama' in 'kama lukin'?
no 'e' with ,kepeken'
jan pi pona mute
pi Lon tomo sona

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jan Wesi
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Re: Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Postby jan Wesi » Thu Feb 12, 2015 4:14 pm

Thanks for the corrections and suggestions!

janKipo wrote:comma, if at all, after 'la'


I was following pu on this one. jan Sonja puts the comma in a different position than what feels natural. I'm not sure what the rest of the community thinks of this.

not sure what to make of 'li ...'

There are a lot of ungrammatical things in the book that I can't really translate. This was my attempt at replicating a trailing thought. Perhaps it's better to remove it then?

the second 'ona alasa e mi' is redundant

The first one is supposed to say that if they know his name, they will hunt/find him. The second is saying that he doesn't want them to hunt/find him. Do you think it will still be clear what "ni" means of I remove the clause?

point of 'kama' in 'kama lukin'?

I wanted to stress it as "find" rather than "see," but I suppose it might be better without "kama."

pi Lon tomo sona

I was trying to say "Tan is now the leader of the sports team (kulupu pi musi sike) at/in his school." Does this not work? Maybe " pi tomo sona sina" would be better, but I don't quite understand your correction on this one.

Also, I was having difficulty in distinguishing the difference between a game and a device that plays games.

Aside from all of this, is it readable? Does it make sense?
Last edited by jan Wesi on Thu Feb 12, 2015 5:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.
jan ali li palisa pi kasi sama :D

janKipo
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Re: Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Postby janKipo » Thu Feb 12, 2015 5:26 pm

The community splits three ways on 'la' commas: before, after, and not at all. Most go with the none option, as do I. A comma there adds no new information while there are many places where commas would break ambiguities but no one -- myself included - uses them.

Someday we'll have to deal with literary devices, but right now we are still feeling our way and so shy away from anything that might be tricky.

Without ': ona li alasa e mi', 'ni' refers to the previous sentence, 'ona li alasa e mi'. You might strengthen the point with an initial 'taso' or 'kin la'.

Oops, I didn't think of that ('kama' is very fluid and I still forget what it does in particular cases). Keep it.

The point is that 'lon tomo sona sina' modifies 'kulupu pi musi sike' and, by a general rule, a unit (as a prepositional phrase is by definition) of more than one word (again a PP obviously has to be) as a modifier has to be set off by 'pi'. See several other cases earlier.

It is pretty readable, though it jumps around a bit at the beginning. I suppose this is just a feature of 1) starting up, so there is not momentum yet and 2) it represents a person in a highly nervous state, tentatively reaching out. These problems with fade away once the action really gets going. I trust.

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jan Wesi
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Re: Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Postby jan Wesi » Thu Feb 12, 2015 5:37 pm

janKipo wrote:he point is that 'lon tomo sona sina' modifies 'kulupu pi musi sike' and, by a general rule, a unit (as a prepositional phrase is by definition) of more than one word (again a PP obviously has to be) as a modifier has to be set off by 'pi'. See several other cases earlier.

I understand the previous corrections, but here I'm using it as a different part of speech, am I not? I see it akin to using something like "tawa," "poka," "kepeken," etc. at the end of a sentence. Am I misunderstanding how this concept works?

I thought that something like: "mi lukin e soweli pi lawa suli poka jan pona mi" (I see the big-headed animal with my friend) was grammatical. Is it not?

Also, how does dialog work in tp? Do I have to introduce every sentence with jan X toki e ni: "quote" or would it be better to just do jan X: "quote" or is there another option?
jan ali li palisa pi kasi sama :D

janKipo
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Re: Animorphs #1 - The Invasion

Postby janKipo » Thu Feb 12, 2015 7:13 pm

Major old time tp ambiguity: prepositional phrases at the end of sentence can look just like ordinary modifiers (the classic is 'ona li pana e sitelen tawa mi' "he game me a picture" (pp) or "he showed my movie" (modifier)). Before the stricter use of the 'pi' rule, it was also possible that the final pp was a modifier of the do, that 'tawa mi' in the example went with 'sitelen' "a picture for me" rather than one given to me. This was fairly common. So, when I read your sentence, where 'Lon tomo sona, might modify either 'kulupu pi musi sike' or 'jan pi pona mute', I made a probability call. It is more likely that a ball team is at a school than that being a good friend is, since teams tend to be local, friendships not so much. Well, it is probability because it is sometimes wrong. Sorry for the to do. You do know that your example is potentially ambiguous in the same way and you had shown a weakened appreciation of 'pi'.

We have done a lot of dialog yet. What we have done has bee short, so the discourse, maybe severa sentences, maybe only a word, have been attach to 'x toki e nimi' or some such. 'x la' and paragraphs also works. And the quote followed by 'tawa x', I thonk. though I haven't a case.


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