help with a short poetry translation

Translation: Toki Pona content in other languages
Tradukado: Tokipono en aliaj lingvoj
leoboiko
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:02 pm

help with a short poetry translation

Postby leoboiko » Mon Dec 20, 2010 1:56 pm

Hi,

I’d like to translate a short piece of Edda poetry to use as an example in my humble proposal for Elder Futhark runic transliteration for Toki Pona. Here’s one I liked from the Grimnismol:

Hot art thou, fire! | too fierce by far;
Get ye now gone, ye flames!
The mantle is burnt, | though I bear it aloft,
And the fire scorches the fur.


Here’s my inept attempt (I haven’t even finished a basic TP course yet):

seli o, sina seli! sina wawa mute!
sina o pini! seli o!
len li pakala seli. taso mi len e ni.
seli li seli kin e selo.


How can I fix it? :)

janMato
Posts: 1544
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:21 pm
Location: Takoma Park, MD
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Re: help with a short poetry translation

Postby janMato » Mon Dec 20, 2010 4:12 pm

Okay, so King Geirröth is barbecuing Odin because the king doesn't seem to like guests. Odin is tied up between two fires and appears to be a bit to close to the flames. He must be bound by the legs alone because he's trying to hold up his coat to keep it from caching on fire.

Hot art thou, fire! | too fierce by far;
Get ye now gone, ye flames!
The mantle is burnt, | though I bear it aloft,
And the fire scorches the fur.


Here was my translation, which I wrote before looking at yours.
seli sewi o! sina wawa mute
tenpo ni la o seli li weka!
len mi li kama pimeja tan seli. taso mi jo e ni kepeken luka lon sewi mi
kin la seli li seli e linja lawa pi len mi.


Yours is a fine example of jan Pije/jan Akidave style.

UPDATE: o seli li weka! is opatative.

leoboiko
Posts: 18
Joined: Tue Jun 29, 2010 2:02 pm

Re: help with a short poetry translation

Postby leoboiko » Tue Dec 28, 2010 7:56 am

Thanks! I’m actually studying with jan Pije; I’m amused it shows :)


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