comment on my short essay

[daraffa]

toki ! mi kama sona e toki pona.sitelen mi li ike la sina pona e nimi mi. pona.Tawitatenpo suno ni la ma Mewika li sike suno sin. kulupu mama mi li lukin e ni: janutala pona li tawa noka lon nasin. kulupu mama mi li kute e kalama musi pi janmute Boston Pops kepeken sitelen tawa. tomo tawa kon tu tu li tawa sewi ma tomomi. tenpo pimeja ni la mi mute li lukin e ni: ijo pi seli kule li lon sewi kon.ijo li pali e kalama wawa.tenpo pi la mi toki e ni: waso li pali e supa lape sike lon ma kasi mi. tenposuno ni la sike pi mama waso li open. waso lili tu tu li tomo noka lon ma kasimi. ona mute li tawa ala lon kon. kule pi waso lili li sama ma.Hi. I am learning toki pona.If my writing is bad, please fix my words.Thank you.DaveToday is America's birthday. My family watched the parade. We watched the BostonPop's concert using the tv. 4 jets flew over our town. At night we watched thecolorful fireworks. They were loud.Earlier I said, a bird made a nest in my garden. Today the eggs hatched. The 4baby birds ran around my garden. They cannot fly yet. They are camouflaged (theylook the same as the ground).

[John E Clifford]

________________________________From: daraffa <aikidave@gmail.com>To: tokipona@yahoogroups.comSent: Monday, July 6, 2009 2:06:46 PMSubject: [tokipona] comment on my short essaytoki ! mi kama sona e toki pona.sitelen mi li ike la sina pona e nimi mi. pona.Tawitatenpo suno ni la ma Mewika li sike suno sin. kulupu mama mi li lukin e ni: janutala pona li tawa noka lon nasin. kulupu mama mi li kute e kalama musi pi janmute Boston Pops kepeken sitelen tawa. tomo tawa kon tu tu li tawa sewi*I think this needs to be 'lon sewi' though I am not sure exactly why, giventhe looseness of word classes in tpma tomo mi. tenpo pimeja ni la mi mute li lukin e ni: ijo pi seli kule li lonsewi kon. ijo li pali e kalama wawa.*'seli kule' is nicetenpo pi la mi toki e ni: waso li pali e supa lape sike lon ma kasi mi.*'tenpo pini'?tenpo suno ni la sike pi mama waso li open. waso lili tu tu li tomo noka lon*'tawa' for 'tomo'?ma kasi mi. ona mute li tawa ala lon kon. kule pi waso lili li sama ma.pona mute![Non-text portions of this message have been removed]