Excessive poetic license (mi tawa e nimi)

Tinkerers Anonymous: Some people can't help making changes to "fix" Toki Pona. This is a playground for their ideas.
Tokiponidistoj: Iuj homoj nepre volas fari ŝanĝojn por "ripari" Tokiponon. Jen ludejo por iliaj ideoj.
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janAetherStar
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Excessive poetic license (mi tawa e nimi)

Post by janAetherStar »

Wasn't sure whether to put this here or under musi. I've been playing with word order, hence this poem:
e sona ali, li pana.
suno e telo, jan o!
telo li pimeja la tenpo pini.
e ni o sona: suno e telo,
ali li. o sona. o sona e ni.

telo is used as a metaphor for clarity, kind of like when you see sayings about anger being like ripples in a pool.

English with mangled word order:
All knowledge, ____ gives. (___ unspecified).
Light the water, people!
The water is dark then before.
This know: light the water,
Everything (does). Know. Know this.

Unmangled:
____ gives all knowledge.
People, light the water!
Before, the water was dark.
Know this: all
Lights the water. Know. Know this.

Basically, commas separate bits (not a linguist, so...). It's the same as in English when you say 'on the mat, sat the cat' or 'the cat, on the mat, sat' rather than 'the cat sat on the mat'. Mangled word order. Fun. Yup. Opinions? :)
ale li pona. :)
sina o sona e ni.
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