sona pi sin ala

[jan Alanto]

pini!
jan pi pana sona mi li toki e toki ni. sona ona li ni: jan pi sin ala li lukin e ijo mute lon tenpo ona. tan ni la ona li sona e ijo mute.

[janKipo]

pona mute.
Apparently 'sin ala' is not so good for "old' in the sense of "aged many years", but I think it is too deeply ingrained to be a problem.
'pilin e monsuta' "feel fear but the meaning of 'monsuta', "monster" is not too clear yet beyond that basic, is it "fearsome" or "fearful", for example. I suspect, if it means "fearful", the best way of saying this is just 'li monsuta; or 'li monsuat pilin', but this need some work yet.
'mi o seme', a question imperative or hortative seems odd. Surely, just the question is enough 'mi seme?' or (to be clear) 'mi pali seme?' (or maybe 'mi seme pali?'
"beast white stone"?
or 'mi tu'
'soweli pi ma pi kasi suli' is maybe some sort of monkey, which may be 'jan' (but that is confusing).

[jan Alanto]

pona. toki mi li suli. taso pakala li lili. ("pona la pakala mi li lili tawa suli pi toki mi" following those new trends)
As for "mi o seme", I'd rather not use "mi seme?" because it is more like an affirmative (I do something I don't know. What is it?). What about "mi ken/wile (pali) seme"?
beast white stone = bone (later simplified to just kiwen soweli)

[janKipo]

pona mute.