Alchemy text - is it recognisable?

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janKalepa
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Alchemy text - is it recognisable?

Postby janKalepa » Fri May 24, 2013 4:14 am

Trying to explain simple alchemy concept in toki pona. I've realised, that, thinking about all that dusty stuff in toki pona, I've started to write in really ancient style& Probably, it cames naturally, when you trying to think in such a good grounded language. I'm also tryed not to use numbers. Amasing! Do you recognise the concept?

tan lawa mute

tan lawa mute li pali e ijo ali. ijo ali li kama lon tan tan lawa mute.
tan lawa mute li tan lawa seli li tan lawa telo li tan lawa kon li tan lawa kiwen la tan lawa ante li lon ala.

janKipo
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Re: Alchemy text - is it recognisable?

Postby janKipo » Fri May 24, 2013 12:12 pm

Can't find my copy of the Emerald Tablets at the moment, so I can't check the accuracy of the statements, but the principles seem about right.
Many Ruling Sources. I suppose just, "several". "Ruling" or "leading" or "chief" suggests others that follow; you're looking for "elemental" or "simple" and i don't have any suggestions off hand (well, 'pona' can be used for just about anything -- I see someone used 'wan' for "element", but I don't know the context).
The several elementary sources make every thing (out of what? 'kama' or 'kama lon' is probably safer). Everything comes to be from the several elementary sources. If the several elementary sources are fire and water and air and stone, then there are no other elementary sources.
The last is wordy. tan lawa li tu tu taso: telo en seli en kon en kiwen li tan lawa ali. ('ma' maybe better than 'kiwen')

janMato
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Re: Alchemy text - is it recognisable?

Postby janMato » Mon May 27, 2013 2:26 pm

tan lawa mute

tan lawa mute li pali e ijo ali. ijo ali li kama lon tan tan lawa mute.
tan lawa mute li tan lawa seli li tan lawa telo li tan lawa kon li tan lawa kiwen la tan lawa ante li lon ala.

From many heads.
From many heads are working all things. All things come into existence from many heads.
If From many heads are from hot head and are watery head are from air heads are from rock heads then other heads do not exist.

First attempt to fix... tan needs something to force it to be a noun.
tan pi lawa mute
tan pi lawa mute li pali e ijo ali. ijo ali li kama lon tan tan lawa mute.
tan pi lawa mute li tan pi lawa seli li tan pi lawa telo li tan pi lawa kon li tan pi lawa kiwen la tan pi lawa ante li lon ala.

Still feels like talking about heads, the bit about the four elements makes me think you're talking about chemistry (and you said so in the English)
lawa <> law. Maybe nasin pi jan lawa, but that is the law of men, not natural law.

Second attempt fix... let's make that a nasin, better yet, nasin ijo (the way of matter)
tan pi nasin ijo mute
tan pi nasin ijo mute li pali e ijo ali. ijo ali li kama lon tan nasin ijo mute.
tan pi nasin mute li tan pi nasin seli li tan pi nasin telo li tan pi nasin kon li tan pi nasin kiwen la tan pi nasin ante li lon ala.

The origin of the way of various matters
The origin of the laws of stuff are making all stuffs. All stuffs come to exist due to several laws of stuff.
If the origin of stuff is the origin of the way of heat, water, air and rock then the origin of other means doesn't exist.

Still doesn't look good. Needs less abstraction and more concrete imagery.

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janKalepa
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Re: Alchemy text - is it recognisable?

Postby janKalepa » Mon May 27, 2013 2:51 pm

tan lawa pi ijo ali?

pona mute tawa mi:tan pi ijo ali

Or, work via context:

toki pi tan lawa mute

ali li jo e tan lawa mute. ona mute li seli li telo li ma li kon. ijo ali li kama lon kepeken tan mute ni.
Last edited by janKalepa on Mon May 27, 2013 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

janKipo
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Re: Alchemy text - is it recognisable?

Postby janKipo » Mon May 27, 2013 2:56 pm

Well, given the position of 'tan', it pretty much has to be a noun, so "source, origin, cause" as a first guess. That makes 'lawa', as first modifier mean "of head" perhaps, but also "main, ruling, principal" and so on. It is still a bit weird, but (given its source), kinda readable.


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