sike pi akesi waso

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
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gbnmvfx
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sike pi akesi waso

Postby gbnmvfx » Wed May 30, 2018 7:01 am

I want to use toki pona to talk to other people and I want to practice by translating text. I started to translate "Dragonball" and want to know what you think about it. I use the names often. Is it possible to do it another way?

sike pi akesi waso - sona weka pi sike ni
jan "Akira Toriyama" pali e ni.

1. jan Puluma en jan Sonoku
tenpo pini mute la jan Sonoku li tawa lon ma nena. ona li wawa li utala e kasi suli. ona wile moku. tenpo ni la jan Puluma kama kepeken tomo tawa. ilo li lawa e ona tawa jan Sonoku. jan Sonoku li alasa e kala suli. ni li wile moku e jan Sonoku. taso jan Sonoku li utala e kala kepeken noka ona. ona li moli e kala li tawa tawa tomo ona. ona li pilin pona. jan Puluma li lukin e jan Sonoku li pini e tawa mute. jan Sonoku monsuta li lukin e monsuta. monsuta ni li sama tomo tawa jan Puluma. jan Sonoku li sewi e monsuta li tawa e monsuta lon kon. jan Puluma li utala e jan Sonoku kepeken ilo moli. taso jan Sonoku li kama moli ala li pilin ike. jan Puluma monsuta li weka e ilo moli li sewi e luka one. jan Sonoku li lukin mute e jan Puluma. jan Puluma li ante li wawa ala. jan Sonoku lukin e meli nanpa wan. ona en jan Puluma li toki e ona mute.

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janTepanNetaPelin
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby janTepanNetaPelin » Wed May 30, 2018 11:33 am

Can you post the original as well, please?
https://github.com/stefichjo/toki-pona (mi sitelen e lipu ni pi toki pona)
mi jan Tepan. mi pu. mi weka e jan nasa Kipo e jan nasa Lope.

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gbnmvfx
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby gbnmvfx » Wed May 30, 2018 1:21 pm

I would infringe copyright, if I posted it. You can't criticize the accuracy of my translation, but you can criticize what you understand.
The overuse of the names can be evaded by using other words, like I do in the following part.

meli li pelin e ni: palisa monsi jan Sonoku li nasa. mije li kama sona e ni: tomo tawa li sama ala e monsuta. ona mute li tawa tawa tomo jan Sonoku. meli li lukin e sike jan Sonoku pi akesi waso. mije li kama sona e ni: meli li jo e sike tu li alasa e sike ante. jan li kulupu e sike luka tu la akesi waso Henlon li kama.

janKipo
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby janKipo » Wed May 30, 2018 3:15 pm

gbnmvfx wrote:sike pi akesi waso - sona weka pi sike ni
jan "Akira Toriyama” LI pali e ni.

1. jan Puluma en jan Sonoku
tenpo pini mute la jan Sonoku li tawa lon ma nena. ona li wawa li utala e kasi suli [I doubt he fought them, maybe attacked them, but mainly cut them down ‘kipisi’?]. ona LI wile moku. tenpo ni la jan Puluma LI kama kepeken tomo tawa [vehicle, unspcified, cars seem inappropriate] . ilo [vehicle again? something else?] li lawa e ona tawa jan Sonoku. jan Sonoku li alasa e kala suli. ni [prob ‘ona’] li wile moku e jan Sonoku. taso jan Sonoku li utala e kala kepeken noka ona. ona li moli e kala li tawa [tawa -one’s enough] tomo ona. ona li pilin pona. jan Puluma li lukin e jan Sonoku li pini e tawa mute. jan Sonoku monsuta li lukin e monsuta. {Unclear: "the monster Sonuku” ‘monsuto Sonoku’ or “frightened Sonoku’] .monsuta ni li sama tomo tawa PI [I think, unless Puluma is a vehicle]jan Puluma. jan Sonoku li sewi e monsuta li tawa e monsuta lon kon. jan Puluma li utala e jan Sonoku kepeken ilo moli. taso jan Sonoku li kama moli ala li pilin ike. jan Puluma monsuta li weka e ilo moli li sewi e luka one. jan Sonoku li lukin mute e jan Puluma. jan Puluma li ante li wawa ala. jan Sonoku lukin e meli nanpa wan. ona en jan Puluma li toki e ona mute.


Not as clear as it might be. the action is confused in. the middle and the end seems to come out of nowhere -- whence women, all of a sudden?

janKipo
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby janKipo » Wed May 30, 2018 3:22 pm

gbnmvfx wrote:meli li pIlin e ni: palisa monsi [a horn or a penis?] PI jan Sonoku li nasa. mije li kama sona e ni: tomo tawa li sama ala monsuta. ona mute li tawa [tawa] tomo jan Sonoku. meli li lukin e sike PI [unless Sonoku is now a sphere of some sort] jan Sonoku pi akesi waso [prob two ‘pi clauses should be reversed as possessives tend to come at the end -- if that is what is happening here]. mije li kama sona e ni: meli li jo e sike tu li alasa e sike ante. jan li kulupu e sike luka tu la akesi waso Henlon li kama.


Still very fragmentary.

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janTepanNetaPelin
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby janTepanNetaPelin » Wed May 30, 2018 5:16 pm

gbnmvfx wrote:I would infringe copyright, if I posted it.


Ah, of course. :D OK, sorry. Here are my comments. I didn't distinguish between "mistake" and "personal preference".

tenpo pini mute
→ tenpo pi pini mute
→ kama pi tenpo pini suli

jan Puluma kama kepeken tomo tawa
→ jan Puluma li kama kepeken tomo tawa

ilo li lawa e ona
→ ilo ni li lawa e ona

ni li wile
→ kala ni li wile

li tawa tawa tomo ona
→ li tawa tomo pi ona sama
→ li tawa tomo

jan Sonoku monsuta (?)
→ jan Sonoku li monsuta
→ jan Sonoku li pilin ike (tan ken pi ike kama)

monsuta
→ akesi

tomo tawa jan Puluma
→ tomo tawa pi jan Puluma

luka one
→ luka ona

jan Sonoku lukin
→ jan Sonoku li lukin

li toki e ona mute (?)
→ li toki tawa ona tu sama

pelin
→ pilin

palisa monsi jan Sonoku
→ palisa monsi pi jan Sonoku

li sama ala e monsuta
→ li sama ala monsuta
→ li sama ala akesi

ona mute li tawa tawa tomo jan Sonoku
→ ona tu li tawa tomo pi jan Sonoku

sike jan Sonoku
→ sike pi jan Sonoku

jan li kulupu e sike luka
→ jan li wan e sike luka
https://github.com/stefichjo/toki-pona (mi sitelen e lipu ni pi toki pona)
mi jan Tepan. mi pu. mi weka e jan nasa Kipo e jan nasa Lope.

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gbnmvfx
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby gbnmvfx » Fri Jun 01, 2018 9:07 am

pona! mi pali e pakala. taso mi kama sona. nimi "monsuta" li lon ala lon?

janKipo
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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby janKipo » Fri Jun 01, 2018 11:57 am

mi la lon. pu la ala. o kepeken ona.

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gbnmvfx
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby gbnmvfx » Fri Jun 01, 2018 1:49 pm

janKipo wrote:mi la lon. pu la ala. o kepeken ona.


mi kepeken pu. sina wile toki e seme?

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janTepanNetaPelin
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Re: sike pi akesi waso

Postby janTepanNetaPelin » Fri Jun 01, 2018 2:54 pm

gbnmvfx wrote:pona! mi pali e pakala. taso mi kama sona. nimi "monsuta" li lon ala lon?


lipu suli pi toki pona li jo ala e nimi "monsuta".

mi ken lukin e ni: sina kama sona. toki pona sina li kama pona a.
https://github.com/stefichjo/toki-pona (mi sitelen e lipu ni pi toki pona)
mi jan Tepan. mi pu. mi weka e jan nasa Kipo e jan nasa Lope.


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