"nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

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Baerdric
Posts: 52
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:24 pm

"nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

Postby Baerdric » Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:59 pm

"nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

a, suno li seli.
mi tawa e nasin kasi sin.

Um, I'll have to work on this. I think it's a poem about 20 lines long. Any corrections, suggestions or encouragement appreciated and seriously needed.
I answer to jan Linja Sinpin Loje but you can call me jan Loje

janKipo
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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: "nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

Postby janKipo » Wed Sep 28, 2016 3:19 pm

'tawa (or 'noka') lon nasin kasi sin' "walk along a new herbaceous path" 'tawa e nasin' would mean that you moved the path to somewhere else (or at least shook it out in place). The path is new here, not the plants, if that is what you want.

Baerdric
Posts: 52
Joined: Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:24 pm

Re: "nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

Postby Baerdric » Wed Sep 28, 2016 3:37 pm

I was going for "fresh leaves" but didn't want to use supa. Actually, the newer version I am about to write should move more towards "under the cool vegetation".

tawa lon nasin
anpa e kasi lete.

I'm going to have to go back and review the additional meanings of each word and practice sentence structure more.
I answer to jan Linja Sinpin Loje but you can call me jan Loje

janKipo
Posts: 2784
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: "nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

Postby janKipo » Wed Sep 28, 2016 7:32 pm

so 'pi lipu sin' "of the fresh leaves"
'(mi) tawa lon nasin
anpa e kasi lete'
doesn't parase and I am unsure what to do with it. The obvious thing is to put 'li' in front of 'anpa' which gives "I go on the path and lower the cold plants" which doesn't seem quite what you want. maybe 'pi lon anpa pi kasi lete' which put the path under the leaves. Without the 'pi' it would put the going there. Your choice.

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janTepanNetaPelin
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Joined: Mon Nov 16, 2015 5:14 pm
Location: Berlin

Re: "nostalgic longing for my childhood walks in the woods with my dog Shadow"

Postby janTepanNetaPelin » Thu Sep 29, 2016 3:23 pm

jan Loje o,

I'd try this:

mi tawa lon nasin.
ona li lon anpa pi lipu kasi sin.

With a little liberty: lipu kasi sin li lon supa ona.
("fresh leaves are on it's 'bed'.")

or: lipu kasi sin li len ona. / len ona li lipu kasi sin.
("fresh leaves are its cloths.")

mi tawa.
jan Tepan: "o pilin pona o pu!"
https://github.com/stefichjo/toki-pona


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