A few haikus

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

A few haikus

Postby jan Pilo » Tue May 24, 2016 1:22 am

kon insa seli -
tomo pali li ike.
jan li pakala.
...
mi wile e ni :
mi lon ma suli pona
pi nena en kon.

---------

kiwen pi insa
pi ma tomo li tawa
li kiwen ala.

------

jan sin li kama.
ona li lon ma mama.
o kama pona!
Last edited by jan Pilo on Wed Jun 01, 2016 2:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Piotr M.

janKipo
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Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: A few haikus

Postby janKipo » Tue May 24, 2016 6:56 am

Nice. the first line of the first one doesn't quite work grammatically, but I don't see a patch yet.

jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

Re: A few haikus

Postby jan Pilo » Tue May 24, 2016 9:37 am

Can be even "seli li lon ni", however some information is missing.
I thought that the beauty of haiku comes from the fact, among others, that a bare NP pops in once in a while.
If there is a particular sign, like say "-", it's clear that it's intentionally a non-proper sentence and the next line is another unit.
Piotr M.

janKipo
Posts: 2816
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: A few haikus

Postby janKipo » Tue May 24, 2016 2:27 pm

Nice idea. The problem was that 'seli lon insa' is not a proper noun phrase ('seli pi lon insa', which doesn't work) The li solution works, though maybe not quite what you want. I like the floating NPs ,too (telo li awen. akesi li tawa ni, kalama telo') and just put a period after them to keep people from trying to fit them into the rest of the sentence.

jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

Re: A few haikus

Postby jan Pilo » Tue May 24, 2016 5:20 pm

"seli lon insa", however not so obvious, may be an NP as everything that starts with a noun and is modified by adjectives. "seli insa lon" would sound more regular as "real inner heat", but maybe this order of adjectives is influenced by English.
Piotr M.

janKipo
Posts: 2816
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: A few haikus

Postby janKipo » Tue May 24, 2016 6:02 pm

True; I was thinking about the apparent intended meaning. So maybe "internal local fire" or some such, which might work. Or maybe some word changes to get the effect aimed for (no suggestions).

jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

Re: A few haikus

Postby jan Pilo » Fri May 27, 2016 11:20 am

I'm glad you like it.

Maybe I'll think about the line. Actually, you guessed my first try of "lon" beyond words. The expression turned out to be correct, even though we both didn't know about it. That's how poetry works, maybe.
A greater difference with "fire". It's hard to modify "seli" to make it something else than associated with fire. I wanted it to be more like "it's hot inside".
Piotr M.

janKipo
Posts: 2816
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: A few haikus

Postby janKipo » Fri May 27, 2016 12:32 pm

'insa li seli' Sometimes the obvious works, though this doesn't have the same pizzazz.

jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

Re: A few haikus

Postby jan Pilo » Fri May 27, 2016 5:13 pm

"kon seli insa" , because it's the air that is hot.
Piotr M.

janKipo
Posts: 2816
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: A few haikus

Postby janKipo » Fri May 27, 2016 7:00 pm

Very satisfactory all around.


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