quadruple haiku

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
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jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

quadruple haiku

Postby jan Pilo » Sun May 22, 2016 2:16 pm

suno li seli.
mi lape lon ko lete
pi poka telo.

ko pona mi o,
sina kiwen lon tenpo
pini suli kin!

sewi li telo.
akesi li lon anpa
kiwen pona a.

seli sijelo
ona li wile nanpa
e tenpo ala.
Piotr M.

janKipo
Posts: 2825
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: quadruple haiku

Postby janKipo » Sun May 22, 2016 4:37 pm

Very nice. Not sure I understand the last two (well, not sure I understand any of them but I have good stories for the first two)

jan Pilo
Posts: 42
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2016 9:59 am
Location: Polska

Re: quadruple haiku

Postby jan Pilo » Sun May 22, 2016 4:54 pm

I read afterwards that to make a haikai you should write: 5,7,5 + 7,7 + 5,7,5 + 7,7....

My third and fourth haiku should go together, because of "ona".

It's a little easier to split the four into two. They are connected with the concept of time and matter, though.
As a matter of fact, it's not crucial whether it "doesn't want to count time" or "counts a no-time". The second one is more abstract but even more interesting as hiding in timelessness.
Piotr M.

janKipo
Posts: 2825
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: quadruple haiku

Postby janKipo » Sun May 22, 2016 6:06 pm

Yes, haiku are a condensation of an older. more elaborate form. However, they have worked well independently for going on thjree centuries, so I don't think we need to worry about the older conventions. Chain haiku are common from the start and persist, so, these four can be viewed as four or as two pairs or as on long chain (but we need a note about that, since the isolated form is the more familiar). It does help with the last, though.


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