A memoir in TP

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jan_Pusa
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A memoir in TP

Postby jan_Pusa » Sat May 21, 2016 5:53 pm

Title not final; subject to change

mi lon tomo tawa suli la mi anpa e monsi mi tawa supa monsi. telo sewi li lon. ijo pi telo seli ona li lon luka mi. mi lukin e ni la mi pilin e ni: ona li pana e ijo pi telo sewi tan seme? ona li jo e pilin tawa mi?

mi en ona li tawa lon nasin. ona li jo e len lete. taso, ijo pi telo sewi li lon tomo mi! ona li lukin e mi la ona li toki tawa mi.

'sina jo ala jo e ijo pi telo sewi?'

'ijo pi telo sewi mi li lon tomo mi.' mi toki

ona li kama jo e ijo pi telo sewi ona li pana e ni tawa mi. mi wile ala kama jo e ni. taso tenpo lili la ni li lon luka mi.

mi en ona li lon esun tomo suli la mi pana e ijo pi telo sewi tawa ona.

'ona li jo e wile suli' ona li toki.

tenpo lili la ona li tawa tomo tawa suli. ijo pi tomo telo li lon luka mi. mi toki ala e 'pona'.

mi lukin e lupa pi tomo tawa suli. awen la telo sewi li lon. ijo pi telo sewi li lon luka mi la mi pilin pona tan ni: ona li pona tawa mi. ona li pona mute tawa mi.
Kapag wala ang pusa, nagkakagulo ang mga daga.

janKipo
Posts: 2741
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: A memoir in TP

Postby janKipo » Sat May 21, 2016 7:11 pm

"When I am in the big car, I sit down in the seat. It is raining. Some of that rain is on my hands (reading 'sewi' for 'seli', 'ni' for 'ona'). When I see that, I wonder why s/he/it (no antecedent except the bit of rain) sends rain. It has feeings toward me?

She (a guess) and I go on a road. She has a cold dress/cloth. But (no comma) a bit of rain is on my house. Whe she/it looks at me, she/it talks to me.

"Do you have a bit of rain?"

"My bit of rain is on my house". I speak (prob "this"/ 'e ni')

She gets this bit of rain ('ni' for 'ona') and throws it ('ona' for 'ni) at me.

I don't want to get it (prob. just 'jo') it ('ona'). But occasionally/ for a short time. it ('ona') is on my hand.

When she and I are in a big home store (prob 'tomo esun' or just 'esun') I throw a bit of rain at her."

'ona' is a pronoun that replaces repetitions of previous noun phrases, so it only strictly makes sense if there is a previous noun phrase it replaces. It is historically related to Fr. 'on' and Esperanto 'oni' which can be used for impersonal subjects as in "on dit" "one says/ they say" and the like. But it doesn't really work like English (etc.) third person pronouns that can function independently of earlier references. Those should be at least 'x ni' where x provides some salient info, at least 'ja' v' 'soweli' or so, if not 'mije' v. 'meli'. 'ni' on the other hand is an adjective "this/that" for pointing to something of an identified sort in the context. So, it comes at the end of a noun phrase that identifies the sort, the x above. It is used as a adjective to refer to whole sentences either before ('tan ni la') or after (toki e ni:').

If you get a chance, come over to the tomo lipu group on Facebook. We are working on a group of your poems and feeling uncertain what we can and cannot do as editors. Your input would break our deadlock.

Problems noted (few) aside, this reads very nicely. To be continued?


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