"When I am in the big car, I sit down in the seat. It is raining. Some of that rain is on my hands (reading 'sewi' for 'seli', 'ni' for 'ona'). When I see that, I wonder why s/he/it (no antecedent except the bit of rain) sends rain. It has feeings toward me?
She (a guess) and I go on a road. She has a cold dress/cloth. But (no comma) a bit of rain is on my house. Whe she/it looks at me, she/it talks to me.
"Do you have a bit of rain?"
"My bit of rain is on my house". I speak (prob "this"/ 'e ni')
She gets this bit of rain ('ni' for 'ona') and throws it ('ona' for 'ni) at me.
I don't want to get it (prob. just 'jo') it ('ona'). But occasionally/ for a short time. it ('ona') is on my hand.
When she and I are in a big home store (prob 'tomo esun' or just 'esun') I throw a bit of rain at her."
'ona' is a pronoun that replaces repetitions of previous noun phrases, so it only strictly makes sense if there is a previous noun phrase it replaces. It is historically related to Fr. 'on' and Esperanto 'oni' which can be used for impersonal subjects as in "on dit" "one says/ they say" and the like. But it doesn't really work like English (etc.) third person pronouns that can function independently of earlier references. Those should be at least 'x ni' where x provides some salient info, at least 'ja' v' 'soweli' or so, if not 'mije' v. 'meli'. 'ni' on the other hand is an adjective "this/that" for pointing to something of an identified sort in the context. So, it comes at the end of a noun phrase that identifies the sort, the x above. It is used as a adjective to refer to whole sentences either before ('tan ni la') or after (toki e ni:').
If you get a chance, come over to the tomo lipu group on Facebook. We are working on a group of your poems and feeling uncertain what we can and cannot do as editors. Your input would break our deadlock.
Problems noted (few) aside, this reads very nicely. To be continued?