"mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
jan Same
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:41 am

"mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby jan Same » Wed Feb 03, 2016 5:43 pm

toki! mi ante e kalama musi "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tawa toki pona.
mi ante e ni tan toki Inli li toki Kanse li toki Sonko.
Hello! I translated the song "I'll make a man out of you" from the movie "Mulan" in Toki pona.
The translation's from the English, the French and the Mandarin Chinese version of the song. (It's a loose translation)


toki Inli pi kalama musi li lon ni:
Here's a link to the English version of the music:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10KGEAcRy-c


- - - - - - - -

MIJE WAWA Powerful man

mi mute jo e nasin suli mute We have a long way to go!

mi mute o tawa, anpa e jan utala Une Let’s get started! to defeat the Hun army!
sina li pana e meli? taso mi wile jo e mije! Did they give me girls? But I wanted men!
wawa sina li sama pipi Your strengths are the same as insects
mi taso e tenpo kama pi sina I will change your future
mi sona ante e mije wawa tan sina I know how to transform you into powerful men

sijelo pona sama ma kasi, taso seli e lon ni tranquil as a forest, but on fire within
o kama pilin pona, sina li kama wawa Once you feel at ease, you will become fierce
wawa pi sina mute li sama meli lili, sina sona ala e ali ni You’re all week like little girls, you don’t know anything
mi sona ante e mije wawa tan sina I know how to transform you into powerful men

mi pilin ike mute tawa ali ni** I don’t like this at all
“tawa pona” jan pona mi** “Goodbye” to my friends
a! ijo utala ni li ike tawa mi oh! I hate all these war things
pilin sama poka e moli! It feel’s like standing next to death!
wile ala sina sona e mi meli I don’t want him knowing I’m a girl
lon telo ni mi moli! If I fall into the water I will die!

o tawa wawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama wawa sama kon utala (mije wawa!) Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o lon ala sama monsi pimeja pi mun! Dissappear like the dark side of the moon!

tenpo li jo ala! jan Une li kama We have no more time! The huns will arrive
kama tawa nasin mi, ante sina li kama moli Follow my path or you will die

utala li ike tawa sina, o tawa tomo sina, mi ken ala ante e mije wawa tan sina
War is not for you, go home, I can’t transform you in a powerful man

o tawa wawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama wawa sama kon utala (mije wawa!) Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o lon ala sama monsi pimeja pi mun! Dissappear like the dark side of the moon!

- - - - - -


mi pilin pona mute tawa kalama musi ni! tenpo pali ni la mi musi mute.
sina li pilin pona ala pona tawa ni? ijo ike li jo ala jo?

I really love this song! It had a lot of fun making this
What do you think? Are there things to modify?

janKipo
Posts: 2793
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby janKipo » Wed Feb 03, 2016 11:58 pm

'tan toki Inli en toki Kanse en toki sonko' ('li' is for predicates)
'mi mute li jo e nasin pi suli mute' ('li only dropped for .mi alone) ('mute' modifies 'suli' not 'nasin suli')
'mi mute o tawa' is unclear (different conventions), 'tawa li anpa' (here where to use 'li' to conjoin predicates)
no ;li; after 'sina' alone as subject (Do you want 'sina'? Not sure who "they" are)
prob 'ante' for 'taso'. 'pi' needs two words after, so just 'tenpo kama sina'
looks to be 'mi sona ante e sina tawa mije wawa.' "change strong men from you" is odd though 'tomo/pali' for 'ante' works
"a good body (need 'pi') like a forest but burns this place" not grammatical even as a fragment or two Presumably "Be trangquil as a forest but on fire within" Something like 'o lape sama ma pi kasi suli. taso o seli lon insa'
'sina kama pilin pona la sina kama wawa' No imperative, no 'li' with 'sina' alone
"anything" is 'ijo' in the scope of 'ala'
prob 'pilin ike mute tan ali ni' or, of course 'ali ni li ike mute tawa mi'
'tawa jan pona mi' fragment (prob after 'mi toki e nimi...')
no 'oh', just 'a' again.
What is "it", In any case, it is probably abstract and so not the subject of 'pilin' so 'sama pilin' 'lon poka moli'
'mi wile ala e ni: ona li sona e ni; mi meli'
'mi anpa tawa telo ni la mi kama moli'
'monsi pimeja mun' ('pi' needs two words)
'mi jo ala e tenpo' or 'jo e tenpo ala'
'o kama lon nasin mi. anu/ ante la sina kama moli' (no 'li' with 'sina')
see earlier on the 'ante ' bit
see earlier of 'pilin pona mute'
Do bad thing have what? 'ijo li ike ala ike?' maybe
See above. Sorry if this breaks the rhythm but I don't do poetry.

jan Same
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:41 am

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby jan Same » Thu Feb 04, 2016 7:41 am

I'm going to correct my mistakes.
Thank you for your help jan Kipo :)

jan Same
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:41 am

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby jan Same » Sun Oct 16, 2016 7:20 am

toki!
I completely forgot about this project!
My toki pona from a year ago hurts my eyes :lol:
My toki pona has gotten a lot better, so I've updated the lyrics :

kalama musi pi sitelen tawa Mulan - mije wawa

mi jo e nasin pi suli mute. - I have a long way to go!

mi mute o tawa ! wile anpa e jan utala Une. - Let’s get started! We want to defeat the Hun army!
ona pana e meli anu seme? taso mi wile jo e mije! - Did they give me girls? But I wanted men!
wawa sina li sama pipi - Your strengths are the same as insects
mi ante e tenpo kama sina - I will change your future
mi ken ante e sina tawa mije wawa - I can transform you into powerful men

o lape sama ma kasi, taso o seli lon insa - Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within
sina kama pilin pona la, sina kama wawa - Once you feel at ease, you will become fierce
wawa pi sina mute li sama meli lili, sina sona ijo ala - You’re all week like little girls, you don’t know anything
mi ken ante e sina tawa mije wawa - I can transform you into powerful men

ali ni li ike mute tawa mi - I don’t like this at all
moli li kama tawa mi - Death is coming for me
a! ijo utala li ike tawa mi - oh! I hate war things
ni li pilin sama lon poka moli! - this feel’s like standing next to death!
ona sona ala e ni: mi meli - I don’t want him knowing I’m a girl
mi tawa anpa lon telo la mi moli! - If I fall into the water I will die!

o tawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) - Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama sama kon utala (mije wawa!) - Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) - Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o lon ala sama monsi pimeja mun! - Dissapear like the dark side of the moon! (Powerful man!)

jo e tenpo ala! jan Une li kama - We have no more time! The huns will arrive
kama tawa nasin mi! anu la sina kama moli - Follow my path ! Or you will die

utala li ike tawa sina, o tawa tomo sina, mi ken ala ante e sina tawa mije wawa
War is not for you, go home, I can’t transform you in a powerful man

o tawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) - Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama sama kon utala (mije wawa!) - Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) - Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o lon ala sama monsi pimeja mun! - Dissapear like the dark side of the moon! (Powerful man!)

What do you think ?
Are there still some errors ?

janKipo
Posts: 2793
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby janKipo » Sun Oct 16, 2016 12:06 pm

Mostly fussiness.
'wile anpa' needs a subject, probably 'mi mute' or at least a 'li' to pick up the earlier one (but then the 'wile' is odd, since commanding/exhorting a desire is odd).
'ona LI pana'
'lape' may not be the best word for "calm" but I don't have a better one at the moment. 'awen pilin' seems close. 'ma kasi' is a lawn or meadow or garden, usually, 'ma pi kasi suli' is a forest.
"fierce" seems more than "strong", probably something involving 'utala' or 'monsuta'
'wawa ala'? "weakness" 'sina sona E ijo ala'
even 'ike ali' "totally awful"
.mi wile e ni: ona LI son ala e ni:'
not quite "don't exist" ('lon ala') but "become invisible", maybe 'kama lukin ala'
'mi mute li jo e tenpo ala'
'o kama lon nasin mi anu sina kama moli'
"If war is not for you, go home" 'utala li ike tawa sina la o tawa tomo sina' or "War is not for you. Go home" drop 'la' and put in a period.
Minor grammatical problems and a few places wheere the word choice needs a little kick.

jan Same
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:41 am

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby jan Same » Sun Oct 16, 2016 1:35 pm

Thank you jan Kipo !
It seems I keep on trying to make phrases without subjects (like in Japanese) :lol:

Here's the corrected text :

kalama musi pi sitelen tawa Mulan - mije wawa

mi jo e nasin pi suli mute. - I have a long way to go!

mi mute o tawa ! mi mute wile anpa e jan utala Une. - Let’s get started! We want to defeat the Hun army!
ona li pana e meli anu seme? taso mi wile jo e mije! - Did they give me girls? But I wanted men!
wawa sina li sama pipi - Your strengths are the same as insects
mi ante e tenpo kama sina - I will change your future
mi ken ante e sina tawa mije wawa - I can transform you into powerful men

o jo e awen pilin sama ma pi kasi suli, taso o seli lon insa - Have the tranquillity of a forest, but on fire within
sina kama pilin pona la, sina kama wawa sama monsuta - Once you feel at ease, you will become fierce like a monster
sina jo e wawa sama meli lili, sina sona e ijo ala - You have the strength of little girls, you don’t know anything
mi ken ante e sina tawa mije wawa - I can transform you into powerful men

ali ni li ike ali tawa mi - I don’t like this at all
moli li kama tawa mi - Death is coming for me
a! ijo utala ni li ike tawa mi - oh! I hate these war things
ni li pilin sama lon poka moli! - this feel’s like standing next to death!
mi wile ala e ni: ona li sona e ni: mi meli - I don’t want him knowing I’m a girl
mi tawa anpa lon telo la mi moli! - If I fall into the water I will die!

o tawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) - Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama sama kon utala (mije wawa!) - Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) - Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o kama lukin weka sama monsi pimeja mun! - Dissapear like the dark side of the moon! (Powerful man!)

mi mute jo e tenpo ala! jan Une li kama - We have no more time! The huns will arrive
kama tawa nasin mi! anu la sina kama moli - Follow my path ! Or you will die

utala li ike tawa sina la, o tawa tomo sina. mi ken ala ante e sina tawa mije wawa
If war is not for you, go home. I can’t transform you in a powerful man

o tawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) - Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama sama kon utala (mije wawa!) - Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) - Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o kama lukin weka sama monsi pimeja mun! - Dissapear like the dark side of the moon! (Powerful man!)

It's almost perfect, I can feel it! :)

janKipo
Posts: 2793
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby janKipo » Sun Oct 16, 2016 2:26 pm

'mi mute LI wile'
'kama lukin weka' seems to be "manage to see afar off" rather than "disappear", which remains difficult to sort out.
'O kama tawa/lon nasin mi'

Otherwise, I don't see any problems. Very nice job!

jan Same
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:41 am

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby jan Same » Sun Oct 16, 2016 3:04 pm

Here's the final text :

kalama musi pi sitelen tawa Mulan - mije wawa

mi jo e nasin pi suli mute. - I have a long way to go!

mi mute o tawa ! mi mute li wile anpa e jan utala Une. - Let’s get started! We want to defeat the Hun army!
ona li pana e meli anu seme? taso mi wile jo e mije! - Did they give me girls? But I wanted men!
wawa sina li sama pipi - Your strengths are the same as insects
mi ante e tenpo kama sina - I will change your future
mi ken ante e sina tawa mije wawa - I can transform you into powerful men

o jo e awen pilin sama ma pi kasi suli, taso o seli lon insa - Have the tranquillity of a forest, but on fire within
sina kama pilin pona la, sina kama wawa sama monsuta - Once you feel at ease, you will become fierce like a monster
sina jo e wawa sama meli lili, sina sona e ijo ala - You have the strength of little girls, you don’t know anything
mi ken ante e sina tawa mije wawa - I can transform you into powerful men

ali ni li ike ali tawa mi - I don’t like this at all
moli li kama tawa mi - Death is coming for me
a! ijo utala ni li ike tawa mi - oh! I hate these war things
ni li pilin sama lon poka moli! - this feel’s like standing next to death!
mi wile ala e ni: ona li sona e ni: mi meli - I don’t want him knowing I’m a girl
mi tawa anpa lon telo la mi moli! - If I fall into the water I will die!

o tawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) - Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama sama kon utala (mije wawa!) - Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) - Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o kama lukin ala sama monsi pimeja mun! - Dissapear like the dark side of the moon! (Powerful man!)

mi mute jo e tenpo ala! jan Une li kama - We have no more time! The huns will arrive
o kama tawa lon nasin mi! anu la sina kama moli - Follow my path ! Or you will die

utala li ike tawa sina la, o tawa tomo sina. mi ken ala ante e sina tawa mije wawa
If war is not for you, go home. I can’t transform you in a powerful man

o tawa sama telo wawa (mije wawa!) - Be swift as a river (Powerful man!)
o kama sama kon utala (mije wawa!) - Become powerful as a storm (Powerful man!)
o pilin sama nena seli suli (mije wawa!) - Feel the same a big volcano (Powerful man!)
o kama lukin ala sama monsi pimeja mun! - Dissapear like the dark side of the moon! (Powerful man!)

This was great fun to make, I might make more of these!
Thank's a lot jan Kipo, without your help, this was an ugly mess! :lol:

jan Same
Posts: 53
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2015 5:41 am

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby jan Same » Fri Feb 24, 2017 1:18 pm

I've been thinking about changing this sentence:
mi wile ala e ni: ona li sona e ni: mi meli - I don’t want him knowing I’m a girl

It's really too long, and there isn't a lot of time to say it.
I've found a pretty good alternative:
mi wile ala e ni: ona li sona e lon - I don’t want him knowing the truth

What do you think? nimi sin mi li pona ala pona?

janKipo
Posts: 2793
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: "mije wawa" pi sitelen tawa "Mulan" tan "Disuni"

Postby janKipo » Sat Feb 25, 2017 7:18 pm

Good move for the right reason.

'ni li pilin sama lon poka moli!' I would've said 'sama pilin', but this may be entrenched like 'pilin pona'. 'sama' needs a noun phrase after it and this looks like a prep phrase. I guess it can be a noun phrase, but it is going to be hard to sell. Maybe just leave out the 'lon'?
'anu la sina kama moli'. Why 'la' ? I'm seeing a lot of this and Don't get it. 'anu' is a conjunction, not a condition.

Sorry this got lost in some brouhaha or other. Very nice.


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