Toki Pona Forums

soweli mi en sina

soweli mi li pana e lawa ona tawa sewi pi noka mi
la ona li wile kama jo e mi tan sina.

my dog and you

when my dog puts her head on top of my leg,
she wants to take me from you.

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criticism would be much appreciated as i want to submit this to this wonderful site

I find very strange to use "pana tawa" meaning "put on". I have two suggestions:
soweli mi li lon sewi pi noka mi e lawa ona. — An obscure grammar alternative (Or the easier "soweli mi li lon e lawa ona lon sewi pi noka mi")
soweli mi li pilin e sewi pi noka mi kepeken lawa. — Changing meaning a bit

Thank you! Those are all good suggestions, much less clumsy than what I wrote.

Brainstorming off your suggestions...

lawa pi soweli mi li kama lon sewi pi noka mi
la ona li wile kama jo e mi tan sina.

Another possibility...

mi pilin e lawa pi soweli mi lon sewi pi noka mi
la ona li wile kama jo e mi tan sina.

I would submit one of your versions but I wouldn't feel right.

I find that first one better.
As for the second, it's not you feeling the head that implies she wants to take you, but she deliberately coming to you.

One more alternative:
"soweli mi li poka e lawa ona tawa sewi pi noka mi..."
Think: she approximates her head to my leg. But I'm not sure this may imply direct contact.