sitelen musi kepeken nasin sitelen Kawiku(?)

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
jan_Loliko
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sitelen musi kepeken nasin sitelen Kawiku(?)

Postby jan_Loliko » Mon May 11, 2015 4:37 am

sewi li pona.
jan mute lon ma tomo
lon tomo tawa.

janKipo
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Re: sitelen musi kepeken nasin sitelen Kawiku(?)

Postby janKipo » Mon May 11, 2015 8:13 am

Maybe just 'Aku' for the English, but the original seems to be three syllables an tp doesn't have 'ji'.
Of course, last two lines are sentence fragments, lacking 'li' and/or even 'pi', but I guess that is porpetry, especially when syllables count.
pona a!

jan_Pusa
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Re: sitelen musi kepeken nasin sitelen Kawiku(?)

Postby jan_Pusa » Mon May 11, 2015 1:37 pm

I think the challenge of haiku in TP is writing something that is 1) grammatically acceptable, 2) fits the 5-7-5 structure, and 3) gets the story across.
olin jan li ike la ni li pakala mute.
Kung ang mahalin ka ay bawal, ito'y napakasakit.

jan_Loliko
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Re: sitelen musi kepeken nasin sitelen Kawiku(?)

Postby jan_Loliko » Tue May 19, 2015 5:28 am

janKipo wrote:Maybe just 'Aku' for the English, but the original seems to be three syllables an tp doesn't have 'ji'.
Of course, last two lines are sentence fragments, lacking 'li' and/or even 'pi', but I guess that is porpetry, especially when syllables count.
pona a!


Hm, Aku… maybe a good solution. I know no Japanese but tried to somehow retain that ⟨ai⟩.

As for the “sentence fragments”, that's totally intentional. I read verbs are mostly avoided in haikus, nouns and noun phrases being favoured as a way of suggesting or “letting go” the elements of the described scene in simple and everyday terms instead of making statements about them.

janKipo
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Re: sitelen musi kepeken nasin sitelen Kawiku(?)

Postby janKipo » Tue May 19, 2015 11:30 am

valid point! Sentence fragments, especially NPs really seem useful to paint scenes.
I note that tp doesn't have a word for natural sounds, to go with 'a' and 'mu'. How do we do the famous "splash" (or whatever)?
telo sin ala/ akesi laso tawa/ kalama telo. say.


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