tenpo sike ali

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
jan sewi kasi
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:21 pm

tenpo sike ali

Postby jan sewi kasi » Sun Aug 11, 2013 10:18 am

First toki pona poem. :)

kasi li pali e kili.
pipi li moku e kili.
kala li moku e pipi.
waso li moku e kala.
soweli li moku e waso.
akesi li moku e soweli.
akesi li moli.
ona li pana moku e kasi.
kasi li pali e kili mute.
tenpo sike ali.

jan li lukin e ni ali.
ona li lukin e ni ali pona.

janSilipu
Posts: 288
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 9:21 am

Re: tenpo sike ali

Postby janSilipu » Sun Aug 11, 2013 10:42 am

Pona!
Minor questions: 'moll' or 'Kama moli'? Dead or dies? What does 'ona' in line 8 refer to (apparently akesi). 'pana moku' "emit foodily"? "all circular time" ? Maybe 'tenpo Ali li sike'? I suppose you mean 'ona li lukin e ni Ali sama pona'.

jan sewi kasi
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:21 pm

Re: tenpo sike ali

Postby jan sewi kasi » Sun Aug 11, 2013 10:22 pm

janSilipu wrote:Pona!
Minor questions: 'moll' or 'Kama moli'? Dead or dies? What does 'ona' in line 8 refer to (apparently akesi). 'pana moku' "emit foodily"? "all circular time" ? Maybe 'tenpo Ali li sike'? I suppose you mean 'ona li lukin e ni Ali sama pona'.

The akesi dies. kama moli?
Yes, ona does refer to the akesi.
pana moku is intended to be "gives food". Of course, it's moku that is the direct object, not kasi. *goes and looks up indirect objects*
tenpo sike ali means "circular time is complete/whole".
ona li lukin e ni ali pona is "he/she sees that all this is good." ni Ali sama pona would be better here?

edit: can't find anything on indirect objects. How do we do that, a preposition?

janSilipu
Posts: 288
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 9:21 am

Re: tenpo sike ali

Postby janSilipu » Mon Aug 12, 2013 9:00 am

Indirect object is 'tawa', so 'ona li pana e moku tawa kasi' (or whatever will keep the poetry)
'ona li lukin e ni: Ali li pona'
'tenpo sike li Ali/pini'

jan sewi kasi
Posts: 23
Joined: Mon Feb 04, 2013 3:21 pm

Re: tenpo sike ali

Postby jan sewi kasi » Mon Aug 12, 2013 9:24 am

pona mute.

mi wile sitelen mute. :)


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