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toki musi pi ma Sonko - Toki Pona Forums

toki musi pi ma Sonko

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
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iulius
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toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby iulius » Wed Nov 16, 2011 3:31 pm

ni li toki musi pi ma Sonko. ona li sin ala. tenpo pini mute la jan Sonko li toki e ona. jan ala sona e ni: jan seme li pali e toki musi ni?
---------------------------

soweli wawa jelo li alasa e soweli sona. soweli sona li toki e ni: "sina ken ala moku e mi. jan lawa pi sewi kon li pali e mi sama soweli lawa pi soweli ali. ken la sina pilin e ni: mi nasa. sina pilin e ni la sina o tawa poka mi. sina lukin e ni: soweli li lukin e mi la soweli li tawa weka. soweli ala li wile tawa poka mi."
ni li pona tawa soweli wawa. kin la ona li tawa poka soweli sona. soweli ante li lukin e ona mute la ona li tawa weka. soweli wawa li pilin e ni: "soweli li pilin ike tan soweli sona. ken la ona kin li soweli lawa pi soweli ali." ona li sona ala e ni: soweli li weka tan ona sama.

I'll appreciate your translations, corrections, suggestions, etc. very much

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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby jan-ante » Thu Nov 17, 2011 9:31 am


janSilipu
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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby janSilipu » Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:20 pm

I don't see the point of the first correction, which is inside direct discourse.
'Lon poka' would mean spatially beside, here 'lon' just means accompanying as it should (though what follows suggests 'Lon poka' is also appropriate.
All the possibilities are correct, including (probably) 'sama li tawa'
Aside from what 'kin la' means, it doesn't fit well here; 'tan ni la' seems about right. If you want to put a 'kin' in the body of the sentence (I'm not sure why you would), either as suggested or after 'ona'' makes sense ( slightly different in the two cases).
A nice job.

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iulius
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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby iulius » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:11 pm

jan-ante en jan Silipu o, pona! sina pona e toki musi mi :) I appreciate your suggestions very much and I'll prepare a second version with your suggestions.

The original animals are a tiger and a fox. Would you mind a better way to suggest "tiger" and "fox" in toki pona?

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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby janSilipu » Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:43 pm

I got tiger from strong yellow, fox from smart is a bit harder but I don't know an improvement.

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iulius
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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby iulius » Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:06 pm

Here goes the second version

ni li toki musi pi ma Sonko. ona li sin ala. tenpo pini mute la jan Sonko li toki e ona. jan ala sona e ni: jan seme li pali e toki musi ni?
---------------------------

soweli wawa jelo li alasa e soweli sona. soweli sona li toki e ni: "sina ken ala moku e mi. jan lawa pi sewi kon li pali e mi sama soweli lawa pi soweli ali. ken la sina pilin e ni tawa mi: ona li nasa. sina pilin e ni la sina o tawa poka mi. sina lukin e ni: soweli li lukin e mi la ona li tawa weka. soweli ala li wile tawa poka mi."
ni li pona tawa soweli wawa. ona li tawa kin poka soweli sona. soweli ante li lukin e ona tu la ona li tawa weka. soweli wawa li pilin e ni: "soweli li pilin ike tan soweli sona. ken la ona kin li soweli lawa pi soweli ali." ona li sona ala e ni: soweli li weka tan ona sama.

much better :)

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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby jan-ante » Fri Nov 18, 2011 7:38 am


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iulius
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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby iulius » Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:31 pm

True!, maybe I need another "soweli" there?

soweli ante li lukin e ona tu la soweli li tawa weka

or maybe I should better use two verbs with "li"??

soweli ante li lukin e ona tu li tawa weka

You're helping me very much indeed!.

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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby jan-ante » Sat Nov 19, 2011 7:33 am


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iulius
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Re: toki musi pi ma Sonko

Postby iulius » Sat Nov 19, 2011 11:35 am

yes, it is smoother :) Thank you :)

So here goes v.1.0

ni li toki musi pi ma Sonko. ona li sin ala. tenpo pini mute la jan Sonko li toki e ona. jan ala sona e ni: jan seme li pali e toki musi ni?
---------------------------

soweli wawa jelo li alasa e soweli sona. soweli sona li toki e ni: "sina ken ala moku e mi. jan lawa pi sewi kon li pali e mi sama soweli lawa pi soweli ali. ken la sina pilin e ni tawa mi: ona li nasa. sina pilin e ni la sina o tawa poka mi. sina lukin e ni: soweli li lukin e mi la ona li tawa weka. soweli ala li wile tawa poka mi."
ni li pona tawa soweli wawa. ona li tawa kin poka soweli sona. soweli ante li lukin e ona tu li tawa weka. soweli wawa li pilin e ni: "soweli li pilin ike tan soweli sona. ken la ona kin li soweli lawa pi soweli ali." ona li sona ala e ni: soweli li weka tan ona sama.


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