mi lawa e kon mi

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
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Ose
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:13 pm
Location: ma Kinla

mi lawa e kon mi

Postby Ose » Wed May 25, 2011 6:50 am

jan ali o toki!

Here is my attempt at a translation of "Invictus", the Victorian lyric poem by William Ernest Henley. Any suggestions would be welcome, as my Toki Pona is very rusty.

mi lawa e kon mi

mi tawa e sewi pimeja.
mi pona e jan sewi ali tan ni:
mi jo e kon pi anpa ala.

ike li kama.
taso mi kalama ala.
pakala li kama.
taso mi lukin ala e anpa.

pimeja ike li kama.
taso mi pilin ike ala.

lupa lili en lipu suli li suli ala tawa mi
mi jan lawa pi kama mi.
mi lawa e kon mi.


I had to simplify the expression into a very loose translation. Here is the original. I am still struggling with the best way to translate it (as I said, I've forgotten a lot of tp), and would appreciate help. :D

pona!
mi ken kepeken e toki pona e toki Kinla e toki Inli

janMato
Posts: 1545
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:21 pm
Location: Takoma Park, MD
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Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janMato » Wed May 25, 2011 7:53 am

mi lawa e kon mi
I lead my ghost.

mi tawa e sewi pimeja.
I move the night.
mi pona e jan sewi ali tan ni:
I clean all men because
mi jo e kon pi anpa ala.
I have the ghost of heaven (and earth I supposed, everything except hell).

ike li kama.
Bad stuff is going to happen.
taso mi kalama ala.
But I'm quiet.
pakala li kama.
Real bad stuff is going to happen.
taso mi lukin ala e anpa.
But I don't look down.

pimeja ike li kama.
A bad night is going to happen.
taso mi pilin ike ala.
But I don't feel bad.
lupa lili en lipu suli li suli ala tawa mi
Small and large pages don't grow for me.??
mi jan lawa pi kama mi.
I am the boss of my future.
mi lawa e kon mi.
I lead my ghost.

janKipo
Posts: 3036
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janKipo » Sun May 29, 2011 10:50 am

janMato wrote:
mi lawa e kon mi
I lead my ghost.

mi tawa e sewi pimeja. [mi lon pimeja sama lupa]
I move the night.
mi pona e jan sewi ali tan ni: [mi pana e pona tawa jan sewi ali]
I clean all [high.i.e. gods]men because
mi jo e kon pi anpa ala. [ala li ken anpa e kon mi]
I have the ghost of heaven (and earth I supposed, everything except hell).

ike li kama.
Bad stuff is going to happen.
taso mi kalama ala.
But I'm quiet.
pakala li kama.
Real bad stuff is going to happen.
taso mi lukin ala e anpa.
But I don't look down.

pimeja ike li kama.
A bad night is going to happen.
taso mi pilin ike ala.
But I don't feel bad.
lupa lili en lipu suli li suli ala tawa mi
Small [holes]and large pages don't grow for me.??
mi jan lawa pi kama mi.
I am the boss of my future.
mi lawa e kon mi.
I lead my ghost.

Ose
Posts: 15
Joined: Fri Oct 02, 2009 2:13 pm
Location: ma Kinla

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby Ose » Sat Jun 25, 2011 2:06 pm

Thanks :D
I'll try a rewrite when I'm less busy, but I do like the image "I lead my ghost" invokes.

pona!
mi ken kepeken e toki pona e toki Kinla e toki Inli

janMato
Posts: 1545
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:21 pm
Location: Takoma Park, MD
Contact:

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janMato » Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:29 pm

If you're short on time, don't forget toki lili or twitter.

sina jo ala e tenpo tawa musi la o awen e sona ni lon lawa sina. ilo toki lili en ilo Tawita li lon.

janKipo
Posts: 3036
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janKipo » Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:29 pm

pi tawa musi (although moving time is amusing). awen ala?

janMato
Posts: 1545
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:21 pm
Location: Takoma Park, MD
Contact:

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janMato » Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:39 pm

Ah! An excuse to use my interlinear gloss tool I wrote:

Code: Select all

sina   jo     ala   e    tenpo   tawa           musi        la     o     awen   e    sona   ni     lon      lawa   sina.
2      have   not   DO   time    for(purpose)   amusement   THEN   IMP   hold   DO   fact   this   in.LOC   head   2-POS   
If you haven't time for goofing off, hold this in your mind:

Code: Select all

ilo    toki   lili    en    ilo    Tawita    li    lon.   
tool   talk   small   and   tool   Twitter   COP   exist
The tools toki lili and Twitter exist.

I hand in mind "tawa" in the sense of purpose and "do hold in mind". The fluid English and the toki pona didn't line up too close.

Next I need to figure out an easy way to post graphs & trees.

janKipo
Posts: 3036
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janKipo » Tue Jun 28, 2011 4:44 pm

A tricky point : is it having for a purpose or time for a purpose? I misunderstood what 'sona' referred to -- the problem with a single deictor.

janMato
Posts: 1545
Joined: Wed Dec 02, 2009 12:21 pm
Location: Takoma Park, MD
Contact:

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janMato » Tue Jun 28, 2011 5:49 pm

oh, I see what you mean. Since the prep phrase modifies the DO, you expected a "pi". I'd have to see that usage a lot more before I'd get used to it.

janKipo
Posts: 3036
Joined: Fri Oct 09, 2009 2:20 pm

Re: mi lawa e kon mi

Postby janKipo » Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:22 pm

It's just the old rule about 'pi'.


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