jan Ipan

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
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jan Sowelilili
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Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:26 pm

jan Ipan

Post by jan Sowelilili »

jan Ipan

tenpo pini la, jan lili li lon. nimi pi jan lili li nimi "Ipan".

jan Ipan li jo e sijelo en lawa en insa pona.

jan Ipan li wile pali e ijo la, ona li pali e ni. jan Ipan li wile pilin e ijo la, ona li pilin e ni. jan Ipan li wile olin e jan la, ona li olin e ona.

jan suli li kama, li toki e ni tawa jan Ipan: "jan Ipan o, sina pali e ijo ike. mi pali e ijo pona. o pali ala e ijo pi wile sina. o pali e ijo sama pali mi."

jan Ipan li pali e ijo sama pali pi jan suli. tan ni la, sijelo pi jan Ipan li pakala li kama kiwen.

tenpo ante la, jan suli li toki e ni tawa jan Ipan: "jan Ipan o, sina pilin e ijo ike. mi pilin e ijo pona. o pilin ala e ijo pi wile sina. o pilin e ijo sama pilin mi."

jan Ipan li pilin e ijo sama pilin pi jan suli. tan ni la, lawa pi jan Ipan li pakala li kama kiwen.

tenpo ante kama la, jan suli li toki e ni tawa jan Ipan : "jan Ipan o, sina olin e jan ike. mi jan pona. o olin ala e jan pi wile sina. o olin e jan sama mi."

jan Ipan li olin e jan sama jan suli. tan ni la, insa pi jan Ipan li pakala li kama kiwen.

sijelo en lawa en insa ona li kama kiwen pini la, jan Ipan li jan lili ala. ona li kama jan suli.
Last edited by jan Sowelilili on Sun Dec 05, 2010 6:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
janKipo
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Re: jan Ipan

Post by janKipo »

Nice fable; your own or from what source?

'nimi "Ipan"' names always require a noun to modify.
'jan Ipan IL wile olin"
Do you want 'mi jan pona' or 'mi olin ejan pona?' I'm not sure how to do ellipses in tp.
jan-ante
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Re: jan Ipan

Post by jan-ante »

jan Sowelilili wrote: tenpo ante kama la, jan suli li toki e ni tawa jan Ipan :
probably tenpo ante li kama la, if you mean "another time". without li it means "once in future"
jan Ipan li kama jo e sijelo kiwen en lawa kiwen en insa kiwen pini la,
well, in fact he does not kama jo, but sijelo en lawa en insa ona li kama kiwen (la)
janKipo
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Re: jan Ipan

Post by janKipo »

jan ante o
Given the vagueness of 'la' constructions, 'tenpo ante kama' could mean "at another later time", but generally, I thing your point is right.
"came to have" is a bit too literal English, I suppose, though it is OK in for body parts in tp, apparently (there are lots of other cases, I think), but yours is nicer, somehow. But, jan Sowelilili o, you don't use 'en' with DOs, just repeat the 'e'.
janMato
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Re: jan Ipan

Post by janMato »

pona a!
jan Sowelilili
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Re: jan Ipan

Post by jan Sowelilili »

Thank you jan Kipo and jan Mato for your kind comments about the story.

I read a similar story a long time ago - not about a child but about a country where grown-ups were trying to retain their childlike qualities. I wouldn't say this was a toki pona version of the story i read, but this is quite obviously heavily inspired from that story. I tried googling that story after jan Kipo's question about the source but with no success. If anyone knows the original story, please remind me where it was from.

I occasionally try to write things in what I would consider "pure" toki pona. Not just in the language but also consistent with "kon pi toki pona" in structure, style and especially theme. This being one of the more successful ones, I decided to post it here.

Thanks for the suggestions. I have edited to correct errors, typos and incorporate the suggestions I agree with.

One thing I did not succeed in doing: I wanted to conjure up the image of "education" turning children into robots. "kama kiwen" does not quite convey that. Neither does "kama ilo" - in fact on its own that's much worse... I did not really want to use a compound for "robot" and was almost wishing there was a word for "an electronic/technological contraption" other than ilo. I am not advocating introducing a word for that - as a concept it is quite far removed from "pure" toki pona even if tp lives mostly on the Internet. And I think "kama kiwen" sufficiently conveys an image of grown-ups being rigid and inflexible, not quite the same as being a robot, but serves the purpose of the story.

ale li pona.
Kuti
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Re: jan Ipan

Post by Kuti »

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Last edited by Kuti on Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:11 am, edited 1 time in total.
jan Sowelilili
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Joined: Sun Oct 11, 2009 9:26 pm

Re: jan Ipan

Post by jan Sowelilili »

Très intéressant, parce que quand j’y pense je crois bien avoir lu l’histoire originellement en français et il était justement question d’avoir une peau de métal, une tête de glace et un cœur de pierre.

L’histoire originale était peut-être un peu plus gaie parce qu’il s’agissait de grandes personnes qui voulaient redevenir comme des enfants, tandis qu’ici je cherchais surtout à critiquer une tendance vers le conformisme parmi les éducateurs (au sens le plus large – parents et enseignants).

ale li pona.
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