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I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics - Toki Pona Forums

I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

Creativity: Poetry, music, comics, etc.
Kreado: Poezio, muziko, bildrakontoj, ktp.
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janMato
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I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

Postby janMato » Fri Dec 04, 2009 11:41 am

luka waso pi sina li kama kalama anu seme?
tenpo mute ala la mi pilin e ni: mi kute e ona sina
tenpo ante la sina kama lon e lukin lape mute pi kiwen telo jaki tawa mi
tenpo kama la sina kama sona e ni: lukin lape pi mi li sona e seme anu seme?

Do your wings make a sound?
Sometimes I swear I can hear them
You left poison mercury dreams
Will you reveal what it means?

I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

I'm pretty rusty. Corrections? Alternate translations?
Last edited by janMato on Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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jan Josan
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Re: I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

Postby jan Josan » Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:37 pm


janKipo
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Re: I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

Postby janKipo » Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:42 pm

NIce job, indeed. And nice editing, too.

'tenpo la' alone means "sometimes" (among other things, of course); any expansion just gets into more definite, and so more misleading, meanings.

janMato
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Re: I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

Postby janMato » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:00 am

Here is my synthesis:

luka waso pi sina li kalama ala kalama?
tenpo la mi pilin e ni: mi ken kute e ona sina,
tenpo pini lili la sina pana e lukin lape mute pi kiwen suno telo tawa mi,
tenpo kama la sina pana sona ala pana sona e ni: lukin lape mi li sona e seme?

alternatives for mercury:

telo moli pi kule mun suno (deadly, grey, shiny liquid)
kiwen telo moli (liquidly deadly rock)
kiwen telo jaki (unpleasant liquid rock)
kiwen suno telo (shiny liquid rock)

janKipo
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Re: I Scintilla - The Bells Lyrics

Postby janKipo » Sat Dec 05, 2009 10:31 am

Still no 'pi' with only 'sina' following.

probably 'pana ala pana sona' rather than repeating 'sona'

Otherwise (and these are minor points, not) very nice. I can't pick among the various mercuries.

Have you taken the meter of the original into consideration?


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